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teenager single mom

Submitted by loved on Wed, 2012-06-20 16:09

teenager single mom
How is the kid?
love him
many women hanker
in the twilight for they desire
to see the sunrise effect
from last night's sojourn
but we can't reconcile
where the manliness of man has gone
and
left her warmed up oven forlorn
the morn of a dying kind surfaces
when most go in for IVF,
at least small mercies
God's gift
at times prove best
see the sun as a rising one,
its setting too somewhere 'tis true
but a positivity
I wish to imbue, in you.

You are the dawn of a new era,
a new wave,
be brave
not to a guy's machinations be a slave

you are that sun
a blessed mom
you may be one.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Fri, 2012-06-22 10:34

judyanne's picture
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i suggest you break it into even further stanzas, i suggest as below
and i also suggest that you move the lines i have written in capitals. i just think they belong more where i have put them
- as you know though - this is just my opinion

i think this is a really good write

teenager single mom
How is the kid?
love him
but we can't reconcile
where the manliness of man has gone
and
left her warmed up oven forlorn

MANY WOMEN HANKER
IN THE TWILIGHT FOR THEY DESIRE
TO SEE THE SUNRISE EFFECT
FROM LAST NIGHT'S SOJOURN
the morn of a dying kind surfaces
when most go in for IVF,

at least small mercies
God's gift
at times prove best
see the sun as a rising one,
its setting too somewhere 'tis true
but a positivity
I wish to imbue in you.

You are the dawn of a new era,
a new wave,
be brave
not to a guy's machinations be a slave

you are that sun
a blessed mom
you may be one.

there are some really good teenage mums out there
- seems that is all they want - to have a baby, often don't care if the father sticks around or not
perhaps it says something about society that these kids have babies so they have someone to love who will love them back unconditionally

of course, that is only one part of it ...
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

loved

Fri, 2012-06-22 10:46

loved's picture

there are some really good teenage mums out there
- seems that is all they want - to have a baby, often don't care if the father sticks around or not
perhaps it says something about society that these kids have babies so they have someone to love who will love them back unconditionally

It's a strange new world
THE WEST
MY POEMS THEME WAS ,AS YOU HAVE SO RIGHTLY HIGHLIGHTED ,ABOVE
Thanks Judy

*and Terry Lyle was gifted it as she published it in her book of poetry USA.
Her work
Say it ain't so

loved

author comment

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-06-22 11:47

Ian.T's picture
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A reflection from without or within a very good write,

let the memory concede, that the quill will run its course,

giving your thoughts to others,

that they will remember who you really are...

Young Bard, I will say no more, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Fri, 2012-06-22 12:19

loved's picture

You make my eyes teary
let not anyone tear me
my thoughts are for the welfare of all humanity
none is exempt from me..

'''A reflection from without or within a very good write,

let the memory concede, that the quill will run its course,

giving your thoughts to others,

that they will remember who you really are...

Young Bard, I will say no more''''

AS i said
my name will live
when time recoils me..

loved

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