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Sunshine (Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge)(:-)

Submitted by Ian.T on Wed, 2012-10-03 18:25

The sun came out at night, it was a reflection
The moon came out in the daytime it was real
The stars are there day and night I see only half.
Take these things in, and know what you see.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
We are always in need of help to write no matter how good we are. Even the village idiot can show you where he lives..
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Workshop: 
Mindful Memorable Freeform: The Challenge

Comments

Rula

Thu, 2012-10-04 01:56

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four lines only but with a message I can't feel I've grabbed so well. Do you mean to give your reader a warning to not be deceived of what is fake or real , what is seen and the hidden.Not pretty sure and would appreciate a hint, maybe.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Ian.T

Thu, 2012-10-04 02:19

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Just a few lines to say to really know what you are looking at, know whether it is real or not always look for those things that may be hidden.
More to do with people than sunlight, It's all as clear as Mud, lol thanks for reading , Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Rula

Thu, 2012-10-04 02:26

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So it is exactly what I got .
May be adding some few lines if you like would polish better your intent and make it as clear as your heart.
It is because of this diversity, one appreciates the hearts that glitters like yours.
thanks again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Ian.T

Thu, 2012-10-04 02:34

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For your eternal patience it is also your heart from another place that joins to make this one happier.
You have a lovely day out there, I would have loved to cross the river in those little boats to visit the markets oozing with the fragrance of spices again..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Proprietress of...

Fri, 2012-10-05 17:04

Proprietress of Crimson Hearts's picture

Ian, I believe I have never read a poem from your pen as short as this one (but then again, you've blessed the world with so many, how could I possibly know?). it suites you so well, I loved the puzzle and message this little gem brings. it is one of those poems one would hang up to look at daily and be reminded.... a sigh of truth...
your Proprietress

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-10-05 18:44

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It is to say, that there is a reality, but you just have to know what it is, the daylight from a star the night time, from a reflected light, yet to trim the wick of your inner light will show you all things, Take care little one, know that we have missed your words, but that is only temporary eh?? There is a trust we hold above all things and ask yourself is it really your own self, the answer will be whispered "Yes"
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

judyanne

Fri, 2012-10-12 09:42

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I have only one suggestiom
I would remove ‘this is real’ from the third line

a great write ian – what is real? what do we really see?
and what’s more – one of the shortest writes I’ve seen from you – and packed with thought-provoking content

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Ian.T

Fri, 2012-10-12 18:35

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I have changed the third line but have kept it the same length.
Thank you for your visit, Please always speak your mind when reading my
pieces, though remember I am a grumpy old man sometimes lol
Take care young lady you have so many lights to tend,
Yours as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

BlueDemon77

Mon, 2012-10-15 22:13

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I can see where you are coming from and your explanations confirmed it. It's also a pure representation of duality. Sun/Moon, masculine/feminine, Apollonian/Dionysian, Classical/Romantic. We humans seem to be pretty comfortable with duality, though it has it's rigidity and dogmas. One thing for sure, one side seems to need the other side, if only for definition. Good substantial work Ian!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-10-16 02:38

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Thank you for your visit and words, yes there are so many things where we see even the reflection of an image in our minds, everyday on passing a (mirror-rorrim) this I think Cat triggered at some time I hope its use is OK, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

docmaverick

Tue, 2012-10-16 20:31

docmaverick's picture

...well, with the urgency of a gunshot....and, the brevity of a twinkle! Honest truth's are exactly that direct.
Well done, poet;
truly,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
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Ian.T

Wed, 2012-10-17 03:07

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Thanks for dropping in, I jotted this one down quickly as a short Memorable thing would seem to fit the wants for this workshop.
Something like the Poppies of Flanders not all the poetry written for those soldiers, unless you had to memorise it as a child.
Trying to recall what anyone said if you see what I mean.
You take care and talk soon, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

docmaverick

Thu, 2012-10-18 05:04

docmaverick's picture

...maybe l'll have my people contact your people, and that'll make it official.
Again, nice write.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

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