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SunKu 10 Workshop
SunKu
In tune
with nature
our creator
I eat
natural
live for me
unless
Almighty
vomits me out
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
Billy Collins, Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Whitman, Jess Tapper
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Comments
IRiz
Thu, 2018-02-22 09:34
Hello Barbara,
Hello Barbara,
Not sure about whether theological aspects appeal to me. But still the first stanza suggests that next you will be talking about things that are out of tune.
I am not sure what the second stanza is doing.
Do you really need to use a vomit metaphor?
IRiz
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2018-02-22 11:12
ThNks for critique
The first stanza hints my lifestyle in tune with nature and the creator which ties in with the second stanza eat natural as vegetarian and vegan. Maybe I need to inculcate vegan message in their somehow. As for third stanza it sums up the previous two stanza in a way that denotes if i continue to eat the animals thus supporting their destruction the nature and its creator will vomit me out for lack of a better term. Any suggestions?
I work on it some to convey it better if it makes sense to you
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-02-22 12:02
Are you vegan?
Are you vegan?
IRiz
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2018-02-22 12:36
Yes
(Vegetarian and vegan) I’m a newbie. I’ve been doing good since the total eclipse I
August last year. Goal is to gradually attain vegan status only.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-02-22 12:53
cool
cool
IRiz
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2018-02-22 14:27
Thank you
(:)
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-02-22 15:14
the pleasure is mine, i am
the pleasure is mine, i am learning to accept new poetic styles.
i am conservative in my taste and find difficult to learn new things.
IRiz
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2018-02-22 15:39
Your sunku Workshop is my pleasure
It opened me up to a new way of writing. I like change but don’t handle change very well. I’m such an introvert that anything outside my weirdness is difficult.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-02-22 15:43
i can relate to your words
i can relate to your words more than you can imagine
IRiz
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2018-02-22 15:54
Yeah
(:)
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
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