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Speak To The Heart Of A Dying Man
Speak to the heart
Of a dying man
Corroded by the words
Said in gradual
Discourse.
In a strange hour
He will be freed.
The flask of his thoughts
Stained
And emptied.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Dennis Go
Sat, 2011-01-22 01:39
Thanks Xena :)
Thanks Xena :)
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Sat, 2011-01-22 01:40
Thanks Longo
I'm glad you liked its "brutality"! Thanks for the wonderful comment!
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Sat, 2011-01-22 01:40
Thanks Shirley :)
Thanks Shirley :)
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2011-01-22 06:07
freed, empty, no more.
Oh that bottle stained,
the corrosion, browned, black,
the dying voice
the strange hour
freed, empty, no more.
I like this one Love Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Dennis Go
Sat, 2011-01-22 19:24
Thanks Ann :)
Glad you like this piece :)
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
Dennis Go
Sat, 2011-01-22 19:26
Thanks JayCee
Superlative? That's an overstatement. :)
It's really inspires me to see you great poets appreciate my work.
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius