Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Rise of G-Bomber

Submitted by Search on Wed, 2012-07-04 03:26

It was over,
Done in a heartbeat,
The chaos ceased,
All the lights blurred,
Painting an abstract picture on everything,
The world seemed to implode,
And she lay lifeless on the ground,
She who was responsible for all of my pain,
Reduced to another bad dream,
Yet I wept,
As she faded back into my mind,
True freedom had yet to be found,
And I would have to dream,
But something else was discovered,
A flame lit amidst curious eyes,
An idea would burn away,
To make way for a new thought.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

BlueDemon77

Wed, 2012-07-04 05:43

BlueDemon77's picture

I think is a very tangible and accessible way to express something we've all been through. I felt a sort of ominous note to the first line (but that's just the sick way I think). When the eyes burn away, the wonder returns and who hasn't gone through a couple dozen eyes by now afterall.

Good work!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.