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revenge
he's really my true love - I saw him first
I took one look and weakened at the knees
I thought, to start, my heart would nearly burst
but, damn it, now he's Kimberley's new squeeze
O fickle heart of finger, that of fate
he smiled and stared, so sensual, at my lip
when Kimberley called out to him to wait
pretending she was swooning - 'bout to slip
she timed it so he'd catch her when she fell
O how so cleverly she set the bait
their eyes engaged - not much more left to tell
except she once was, one time, my good mate
I'm buying glossies, reading trends and fashions
I'm learning, now, to be a fatal femme
to stun him with my new sophistications
and steal him off of her, then promptly dump him
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2015-01-13 15:10
Love it!
And simply couldn't resist a reading.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/revenge-submitted-by-judyanne
I learning, now, to be a fatal femme [I'm]
Your return has inspired me, Judyanne, to critique and writing. There is so much work (in the Balinese meaning of the word, both labour and play) to be done here at Neopoet! Thank you.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Tue, 2015-01-13 21:31
thanks jess
I am very honoured you thought this worthy of a reading
I'm also very glad that you feel inspired... although how i factor into that has me stumped ....
- typo fixed - thanks
Your visit greatly appreciated
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Thu, 2015-01-15 15:06
your return has inspired me
because I think we were going through similar things with our muses
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
alidzain
Tue, 2015-01-13 16:51
Same here, Judy
Love the way you spin it.
Alid
judyanne
Tue, 2015-01-13 21:34
thank you alid
So very glad you liked this
I hope your feeling better.... a foreign body sitting under your skin must be most uncomfortable
I guess eventually you'll adjust to it
at least it's keeping a watch on that ticker of yours and that's a good thing
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-01-13 16:56
Lovely
Enjoyed reading
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
judyanne
Tue, 2015-01-13 21:35
thank you barbara
For the read and very kind comment
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Tylana
Wed, 2015-01-14 10:06
Beautiful
That touched my heart and made me realize love really is a nasty thing.
Åłåńå Fłøręš
Rula
Wed, 2015-01-14 11:34
feminine issues
Well expressed dear judy.
S3, L4 once was, one time ... reads like a repetition of the same words.
I really love the true emotions in this though I don't agree with you in the revenge thing.
He is a loser, so why would I think much of him?
At least my view.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
judyanne
Thu, 2015-01-15 03:51
repetition
Except she once was, one time, my best friend
repetition - a poetic devise, to emphasise the fact that is no longer the case
- it's only a poem rula - just a bit of fun, since we're in the middle of a humour workshop... not into revenge myself - especially over a man lol
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
mand
Wed, 2015-01-14 11:44
Hi Judyanne
Great poem! Ahh the foibles of love. Te he I'd go with Rula on this one. Kimberley might deserve a bit of a slappin though! Lol only joking
Rhyming was great - of course! te he
Love Mand xxxx
judyanne
Thu, 2015-01-15 03:53
kimberley
is too slippery to catch in order to slap mand
Don't think i didn't try lol
Thanks for the read and support
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Wed, 2015-01-14 13:16
Hi Judyanne
This write shows two sides of the same coin :)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Thu, 2015-01-15 03:54
??
sorry raj
I don't quite understand what you mean here
Thank you for the visit
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Thu, 2015-01-15 12:31
Judyanne
What i meant was two sides of a woman's personality...starkly different...you know now what i mean?....:)
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
emogothgirl
Wed, 2015-01-14 20:00
oh boy
simply put, this is great. my favorite part is the bit about dumping him :)
mag
judyanne
Thu, 2015-01-15 03:57
lol
Thanks mag
I'm glad you liked this
I imagine that dumping him is the more clever thing to do - he wouldn't know how to be faithful
:)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Roscoe Lane
Thu, 2015-01-15 08:43
Liked this a lot,
Liked this a lot, does this really happen to women as well. I thought this was a mans thing. LOL.. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
judyanne
Fri, 2015-01-16 05:24
thanks roscoe
Lol - man / woman - we're only three letters different
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Thu, 2015-01-15 16:03
Hey Judy
except she was once upon a time a good mate? just an idea. They say if captured by an enemy one should pray they not turn you over to their women lol. I enjoyed reading this and am now just a tiny bit afraid............stan
judyanne
Fri, 2015-01-16 05:26
MM shudders stan
at your suggestion
- but i thank you
:)
Lol - yes be afraid, be very afraid
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)