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Rendition [Sunku]
on keys
of a piano
are finger prints
playing
heart touching
musical notes
some hide
their fingers
behind white gloves
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
IRiz
Wed, 2018-07-25 08:53
Hi Raj,
Hi Raj,
Hm. Interesting.
Some people play with their naked spirit
and others are even afraid to take off their gloves.
I like your poem very much it shows your unique way of seeing. It is inspiring. Why don't you offer it as a prompt?
IRiz
raj
Wed, 2018-07-25 14:41
Thanks for reading IRiz
Thanks for reading IRiz
a positive comment coming from you who innovated Sunku form means a lot.....I am trying to improve on the aesthetic aspect by posting a few Sunkus especially to make the readers think and perceive it....hope I a will get there sooner or later ...practice makes one perfect as is said...so i keep trying...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Wed, 2018-07-25 15:03
Sweet. Maybe one day we will
Sweet. Maybe one day we will publish a paper on it after all.
IRiz
raj
Wed, 2018-07-25 15:15
it would be great to see a
it would be great to see a paper published
tell you what? if you see closely recently under style/type I am already listing these Sunkus as structured eastern ...in doing so I am not breaking any rule merely bending it :)
using Trump strategy that if you go on saying fake news or no collusion a thousand times people start believing it...lol
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Fri, 2018-07-27 16:42
This one
goes over my head until I read IRiz's comment.
I'm still unable to figure out how much should the subtext be surialistic to meet the esthetics of the form
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raj
Fri, 2018-07-27 16:48
Rula
as a matter of fact the perception of IRiz is only one...there can be another....
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment