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REINCARNATION

Submitted by PETHEMPAMENTES on Sun, 2016-10-02 12:27

Twelve times I had come and
Stood on mountains of earth
First the Aries Warrior
Last the Pisces Dreamer and
Now as the observer of time
I had cursed my last departure
Into this cave of darkness
Why had I come this time?
This time was not for me
This I felt instinctively
This I knew subconsciously
As I looked I did not judge
As I touched I did not love
I felt insanity tear at my reality
Twelve times I had witnessed being and
In being I rode the waves of time
First through erotic fantasies
Last through bleak obscurities and
Now with a third view tying beginnings
To endings I had cursed my last departure
Into this cave of --- treasures
Why I had come this time was
To serve the many --- and salvage any
Thing I may have left before
Systems I had not known before
As I feel age and time give
Certainty to my troubled mind

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

Esker

Sun, 2016-10-02 15:18

Esker's picture

and the way ur expression in verse
and word use..association
for me it does not even require paragraph
breaks for its reads well without them!

Was in the mountians years ago....across
yellowstone territory....black hills...I found
the open landscape and raw hills a change
from the glacial boreal forest

I like the use of cave for treasures or
salvage unique in its reading
a cave can be comforting
and for sure things are placed there
for reverance and safekeeping

"I touched and did not love"

journey writing
the quest

thank U!

weirdelf

Tue, 2016-10-04 10:56

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

This is powerful, profound and beautifully written. It says a lot more than about your own journey. Just what poetry should be.

My only suggestion is that 'subconsciously' might be better as 'unconsciously'. A tad less clinical.

Thank you for this. Works like this keep me coming back.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Tue, 2016-10-04 11:00

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

good stuff, insightful. This is what Neopoet is about.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Tue, 2016-10-04 11:09

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

and post it on Facebook and other social media. May I have your permission?
If you would rather do the reading yourself I will send you the log-on to SoundCloud which links to Facebook.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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