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Purge
Reality is rattling;
forcing fondness and frustration
fo meet and mix,
a medley of memories
that doesn’t taste good
coming back up.
Months spent swallowing
prose and poetry
refusing to remember
aching to express
but unwilling
to see sorrow and smiles
cruelly combined.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Sun, 2012-05-06 12:57
hello
nice alliteration with the 'm's and 'f's in
'reality is rattling;
forcing fondness and frustration
fo meet and mix,
a medley of memories'
however
one suggestion
instead of
'coming back up'
would you consider 'regurgitated'
- it would also fit well with the 'r' alliteration
grammar
'doesn't' should probably be 'don't'
i really like
' Months spent swallowing
prose and poetry
refusing to remember
aching to express'
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Kailashana2
Sun, 2012-05-06 13:52
Good bones here.
Good bones here.
I add : sickeningly sweet instead of "that doesn't taste good" which then goes well with the following "spent swallowing". I'd also add "rattling to unwilling and rattling, for effect.c
Btw, you know why I read your poem? Your namesake, 73littlepeople~~
~A