Sorry for being late, but was really exahusted last night, so I feared that I wouldn't give fair attention to your profound sonnet.

Here we are
I thought the rhyme scheme is perfect in both the octave and the sestet. BRAVO
As for the theme...It seems to be close to your heart, so it is again emotional and sincere ...WELL DONE!

Now the meter...
I have problem ONLY with the following lines if you can see what I mean

a HOLE| is FILLED| with your |VEry| reMAINS
to QUENCH |a GOD | that's GONE | CRAzy | with GREED
and LEAVES |noTHING | but BONES |and con |CRETE stains

And the volta, though there is a turning in the sestet, I thought it came late, not in line 9 where it should be. Maybe I am not spot on on this so let's see what others think

All in all, as a first attempt I am really happy with the effort and I know you could easily amend those lines to meet the strict form of the sonnet

Kudos Scott!!

You have a real talent for writing sonnets! :)

Great poem - keep um comin!

LOve Mand xxxx

and would normally be left be, if not striving for sonnet verse, as it reads really smoothly anyway
but you have feet of anapaest and trochee and even some spondee and pyrrhic

I have parsed it for you – hope it helps

there is |a BREATH | to LIVE | a BREATH | to DIE.
your LAST | ex - HALED | be -NEATH |a KILL | -ing MOON;
a DRAWN | and GASPED | a HUND | -red YEARS | too SOON
as we | inVENT | a GOD | to QUEST | -ion WHY.

all DRESSED | in PAINT | and SUN | -day's BEST | you LIE,
a –NOTH | -er VICT | -im to | that CAN | -cer GOON;
a –NOTH | -er SAINT | a -MIDST | a BAG | pipe TUNE.
what REA | -son is | there that | i CAN | -not CRY?

at LAST | your CLOUDS | let DOWN | their FIN | -al RAINS
and MOVE | a –LONG | to OTH | er SOULS| in NEED
a HOLE | is FILLED | with your | VER –y | re -MAINS
to QUENCH | a GOD | that's GONE | CRAZ -y | with GREED
and LEAVES | NO –thing | but BONES | and CON | -crete STAINS
for GEN | er -A | -tions GONE | to COME | and READ.

along with Rula - I'm not sure where your volta begins... it is a little weak perhaps, as the sextet seems to just continue on with the thoughts of the first two stanzas - but then again, I might be missing something ....

as I said – a beautiful tribute, i like it very much
great word usage
love judy
xxx

is a three syllable word.
Not sure how Scott pronounces it but it is of three syllables with three vowel sounds.
So
a NOTH/er VI/ctim to/ that CAN /cer GOON;
aNOTH/er SAINT/ aMIDST/ a BAG/PIPE TUNE (I can't see much problem here as the "b" and "p" sound are too close to each other).... IMO

I believe you can give the volta another visit especially after sir Wesley's last lesson about its structure and its whole purpose of it, though as it is a tribute to such a dear friend... difficult?

A new sonnet maybe? Just thought maybe :)

love this emotional piece. Unforunately my knowledge on the sonnet is lacking so I can't comment much.

Alid

except I liked the poem even though it got tore apart a little bit (I'm afraid I agree with the comments).

I can't read this right now. I just found out a minute ago that my best friend has what is likely terminal cancer. sorry...............

That always helps.

As for you Scott... I'm late, but here. I was rushed before, but not now.

I didn't have a problem with the volta. It was subtle, but clear. I tend to want to get hit by a sledgehammer, but that's me.

Now, my problem lies in the meter. The last two tercets have issues as to iambic pentameter which the poem is all about in form.

The first lines are fine and then: a hole / is filled / with your / ve-ry / re-mains

"Very" is pronounced with the first syllable accented. Your line forces it otherwise. There are others in the envoy that you can find on your own I'm sure. If you want help I'm here. It what I do.

.

I am so poor at writing sonnets as far as meter goes, that all I can say is this beats mine black and blue and the volta was clear enough to me........stan