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Patience
Over a bed of stones
river runs its course
smoothing their edges
till they stop to hurt
it doesn't happen quickly
as soon as a blink
even whiskey on the rocks
needs a time to chill
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lovedly
Thu, 2018-06-14 15:02
ur
Patience is so chilling
whiskey on rocks
all drink here daily
and
become like ice nearly
when life
in veins
is needed
raj
Thu, 2018-06-14 15:07
Thanks Lovedly
for the read...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-06-14 21:15
Nice lines.
Nice lines.
Beautiful poem.
I like its form and content.
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-15 05:20
Thanks friend IRiz for taking
Thanks friend IRiz for taking the time to read and for your words of appreciation.
I was thinking if "Endurance" would be a more appropriate title but ultimately settled for "Patience"...what is your opinion?
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Fri, 2018-06-15 08:43
I think Patience is the
I think Patience is the precise word your poem is about. When I was reading your poem for the first time I noticed how perfect the name is.
IRiz
raj
Fri, 2018-06-15 13:51
Hi IRiz
good to know that you too feel that I was right in choosing "Patience" as the title.
Thanks for stepping in once again with that comment. It is appreciated.
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Fri, 2018-06-15 16:20
My pleasure
My pleasure
IRiz
gregwa8
Thu, 2018-06-14 23:15
I love the juxtaposition! a
I love the juxtaposition! a river over rocks, whiskey over ice. the rhythm is really great, too.
raj
Fri, 2018-06-15 05:22
Thanks Greg for the read...
Thanks Greg for the read....good to know you liked the rhythm & juxtaposition which was an intent..
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentbrittle light
Fri, 2018-06-15 10:41
Raj
quick and slick (in the best sense)
the analogy works well,
...the juxtaposition of geological time and the time it takes to melt an icecube made me chuckle.
cool
later,
Al
raj
Fri, 2018-06-15 13:52
Thanks Al for the read and
Thanks Al for the read and your good words. Nice to know it made you chuckle...
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raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment