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The One Who Got Away
You might have been my breath,
the offbeat of my heart, the pause
before I speak, the warm sensation
I feel as I walk in the sun.
I may have known you better,
known you as I know sand beneath
my feet, or water as it courses through
my fingers, or the heaviness of my eyes
as I fight to stay awake while writing this poem
about you, to you, for you.
We could have been overlapping shadows
meandering along the grasses, softly settling within the dusk,
waiting for another day to hold us, give us life
full of sounds, scents, playful words,
and silence. I would have liked to have known
you better. You might have been my breath...
the pause I take before I say your name
only to wonder why you aren't here.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
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Comments
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-07-21 03:46
Wow
The feeling of lost love...the one we never truly get over. I love the comparison to knowing the person as well as the feel of sand on your feet, water coursing through your fingers or the heaviness of your eyes. This whole poem is very tangible and emotive. Well done.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2023-07-23 20:04
Hello, Carrie,
Feeling a bit nostalgic late one evening and this poem found its way to my page. Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing!
L
author commentMichael Anthony
Sat, 2023-07-22 11:57
Enjoyed this one L! I've
Enjoyed this one L! I've often wondered about someone and what may have been with just a look. Good stuff!
Best
Michael Anthony
Lavender
Sun, 2023-07-23 20:06
Hello, Michael,
Yep, sometimes it makes you wonder.
Thank you for reading. I'm happy you enjoyed it!
L
author commentObadiah Grey
Sat, 2023-07-22 12:16
This is a great example of
This is a great example of how to meld "CONTENT", formatting, and punctuation into real poetry!
If I were to be pedantic (errrrm, bit like Geez I guess) the bits I stumbled over was,,,,,
"as I fight to stay awake while writing this poem
about you, to you, for you.",,, and the word "like" in the following line.
Seriously great piece of poetry,,,, well done Lav !!!
Obi.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-07-23 20:11
Hi, Obi,
This surfaced late one evening - like most heavy thoughts usually do. I will consider your suggestion regarding the "as I fight..." line. Maybe that is too distracting, or personal? I will gratefully take your suggestion to remove "like" as it flows and sounds much better without it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Lav
author commentCandlewitch
Mon, 2023-07-24 10:45
dear Lavender,
if you haven't entered this for poem of the week, then you should do so!
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Mon, 2023-07-24 15:33
Hello, Cat,
Aww...thanks for the lovely support. I'll give it some thought.
I am grateful you read this and commented!
Lx
author commentRuby Lord
Tue, 2023-07-25 06:38
Very touching, I shuddered as
Very touching, I shuddered as I read it a second time. Lost love, I look backwards often. Sometimes I have to remind myself where I am and not where I might be.
I loved your use of enjambment in the lines. It's one of the best examples I have seen for a long time: It keeps the poems flow going and it also stopped me from breathing. Felt like I was asthmatic.
The emotions pour out of your words. I loved it, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Lavender
Tue, 2023-07-25 13:43
Hello, Ruby,
A passing thought I had late one night...
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. It's probably best we don't know what we've missed - or more so, what thankfully missed us.
L
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