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One day.
One day you'll be alone. We'll all be alone.
She won't always be there to coax the air out of your lungs. She won't always be there to gently press upon your chest in the morning. She won't always be there to breathe life into your soul as she tells you it's going to be okay. She won't always be there to kiss away the emotions that leave your eyes. She won't always be there to reach into your chest to stop your heart from dropping. She won't always be there to grasp your hand when your afraid. She won't always be there to gently push the air out of your mouth. She won't always be there to try and steady your voice as it trembles under the pressure. She won't always be there to give you a reason to wake up. She won't always be there to relax your shoulders as they tense. She won't always be there to blow colour into your cheeks as it drains from your face. She won't always be there to pry open your eyelids as fatigue pushes them down with all his might. She won't always be there to lift your head when it hangs low. She won't always be there.
One day you'll be alone. We'll all be alone
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-09-27 22:41
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively communicates a sense of loss and loneliness, using repetition to emphasize the absence of a significant other. However, the repetition could be varied to avoid redundancy. The phrase "She won't always be there" is repeated frequently, which can cause reader fatigue. Consider using synonyms or restructuring sentences to maintain the theme without overusing the same phrase.
The poem also uses a variety of metaphors to describe the support and comfort provided by the person who is no longer present. These metaphors could be made more powerful by adding more specific, concrete details. For example, instead of saying "She won't always be there to coax the air out of your lungs," consider describing a specific moment or action that illustrates this metaphor.
The poem's structure could also be improved. It currently consists of one long stanza, which can be overwhelming for the reader. Breaking it up into smaller stanzas could make it easier to digest and give more emphasis to each metaphor.
Finally, the poem's ending returns to the opening line, creating a circular structure. This effectively reinforces the theme of loneliness and the inevitability of being alone. However, the impact of this ending could be strengthened by adding a new insight or perspective that has been gained through the course of the poem.
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