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Observations on the Solstice June 21st 2023

Symphony of summer on this bright inaugural dawn
Rabbits migrate from the meadows out into to the lawns
Salvia is in full bloom and the honey bees delight
Glancing upward to the skies I notice all the birds in flight

Peaceful is the mind beneath mid morning solstice light
The elements surround me in their sweet embrace so tight
Tranquility besets me, I breathe deeply this high noon
The ocean sings an ageless song to which I am in tune

Towards the trees the golden disc slowly starts to fall
Oak sentinels receive her gift into their branches tall
All the blades and beams of light through the leaves diffuse
Hours still before it tires and makes its final moves

Skies of blue cross fade into a red and pink display
Dispersed throughout with violet and I cannot look away
Like a film of yesteryear this epic fade to dark
Incites a sweet ovation from deep within my heart

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Observations on the Solstice June 21st 2023

In this poem, the poet captures the essence of the summer solstice through vivid imagery and a sense of tranquility. The poem is divided into four stanzas, each representing a different time of day and the corresponding emotions and observations.

1. Imagery and Word Choice:
The poem is rich in imagery, which helps to create a vivid picture of the summer solstice. For example, "Rabbits migrate from the meadows out into the lawns" and "Salvia is in full bloom and the honey bees delight" effectively convey the vibrancy of nature during this time. To enhance the imagery, consider incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds, smells, and tactile sensations of the summer solstice.

2. Structure and Flow:
The poem follows a consistent structure, with each stanza containing four lines. This structure helps to maintain a sense of balance and coherence throughout the poem. However, the flow could be improved by ensuring that each line has a similar rhythm and syllable count. For example, the second line of the first stanza has a noticeably different rhythm compared to the other lines, which can be adjusted for a smoother reading experience.

3. Theme and Tone:
The theme of the poem revolves around the beauty and tranquility of the summer solstice. The tone is peaceful and contemplative, effectively conveying the poet's appreciation for this natural phenomenon. To further develop the theme, consider exploring the significance of the solstice in various cultures or its impact on the natural world.

4. Poetic Devices:
The poem makes use of several poetic devices, such as alliteration (e.g., "Symphony of summer") and personification (e.g., "Oak sentinels receive her gift"). These devices add depth and interest to the poem. To enhance the poem's overall impact, consider incorporating additional devices, such as metaphor or simile, to create more layers of meaning.

Overall, the poem effectively captures the essence of the summer solstice through vivid imagery and a tranquil tone. By refining the rhythm, incorporating more sensory details, and exploring additional poetic devices, the poem can be further enhanced to create a more immersive and engaging experience for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I really like the imagery of this poem: mid-year natural beauty. It gives me a feeling of peace.

My only suggestion is to change "Dispersed throughout with violet and I can’t look away" to "Dispersed throughout with violet; I cannot look away". It seems to flow better.

Thanx,
Steve

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