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No Name
Misty dewdrops clung to the airs demise,
Through shadows of bent thorns and vines,
You lay baron in the earths carpet,
Forgotten, the lady with no name.
Crimson currents raged against snowed banks,
Through moss rocks of black and green,
You lay gentle with hair cascading,
Forgotten, the lady with no name.
Dawn broke onto mountains sky high,
Through onto roads paved of ones destination,
You lay abandoned for salvage,
Forgotten, the lady with no name.
Upon cotton clouds where angels fly,
Through gates a bridge forms of golden planks,
You lay before the hands of time,
Remembered, the lady with no name.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-11-13 20:00
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "No Name" explores the theme of forgotten identity and the transient nature of existence. The imagery of misty dewdrops, shadows of bent thorns and vines, and moss rocks of black and green creates a sense of melancholy and isolation. The repetition of the line "Forgotten, the lady with no name" emphasizes the central idea and adds a somber tone to the poem.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem. Currently, each stanza follows a similar pattern of two lines describing the setting and two lines referring to the lady with no name. Experimenting with different stanza lengths or incorporating more varied line lengths could add a sense of dynamism and enhance the overall flow of the poem.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of the central theme. While the concept of a forgotten identity is intriguing, it would be helpful to delve deeper into the emotions and implications associated with this theme. Exploring the lady's perspective or providing more specific
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Tue, 2023-11-21 20:39
No Name
Greetings!
I believe your first post? Welcome to Neopoet!
Your form is pretty amazing, actually. The repetition of certain lines and thoughts add to the mysterious nature of the poem - almost supernatural. I feel as if I've come upon someone who's passed on, and in a very reverent way, pay my respects. There is the sensation of the lady traveling through this tragic condition and, by grace, then meets with the angels. So much here, and much more each time I read. What a beautiful poem. There are several places that require some punctuation corrections - I see some possessive words that need an apostrophe, for example: air's demise, earth's carpet, one's destination. I believe I'd remove "onto" in the line "through onto roads paved of one's destination" keeping it in sync with the other similar lines. I am really intrigued with this poem. Tender, compassionate final line. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Thank you!
Lavender