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My Mother’s Kitchen

Submitted by hippiemoon on Mon, 2024-08-05 20:10

I am nineteen years old and I stand at the helm of my mother’s kitchen.
My mother, who has just left for a new job in a new state, has taught me everything I know.
I slip on the rubber gloves (two pairs, one over the other) that I’ve seen her wear so many times before, and I do the chores she used to do.

As I wash every dish, I think back to the countless nights that I silently stood beside her with a towel, waiting for her to hand me plates to dry.
Now, I have no accomplice, so I must do it all alone.
As I watch the colored bubbles and pieces of food fly down the drain, more plates pile up in the sink.
My brother’s, and my dad’s, who have never offered to help, and maybe never will.

I silently curse them for giving me more work, knowing that their dishes will end up in the dishwasher.
Yet I stand, and scrub, and shine,
And I still have no accomplice.

I wonder if this is what my future will hold,
If my husband will offer nothing more than a polite “thank you,”
If my son will slink away before I can enlist his help.

Two emptied beer glasses sit on the dinner table,
Rings of condensation melting into the countertop.
My brother and my dad are long gone,
And I must clean up their mess myself.

And although I am nineteen years old,
I feel the weariness of my mother.
Coming home after a long day at work,
No one to help her do the dishes but her daughter.
And now that my mother is gone,
I am at the helm,
And I have no accomplice.

So I wash every dish,
In these pairs of gloves that don’t fit quite right,
That haven’t yet melded to the callouses I’m sure to get.
And I dry them myself,
Imagining the day that my daughter will be at my side to dry them for me.

I hope my husband offers more than a thank you,
And my son offers his help, instead of running to hide.

But now, I am nineteen years old,
In my mother’s kitchen,
As I watch each dish’s residue slip down the sink.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Editing stage: 
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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-08-06 02:10

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "My Mother’s Kitchen," effectively utilizes the metaphor of washing dishes to explore themes of responsibility, gender roles, and generational patterns. However, there are opportunities to refine the poem to enhance its impact and clarity.

1. Imagery and Metaphor: The poem does a good job of using the act of washing dishes as a metaphor for the protagonist's feelings of responsibility and apprehension about the future. However, the metaphor could be expanded upon or diversified to avoid repetition and to provide a more nuanced exploration of the protagonist's emotional state.

2. Structure and Pacing: The poem's structure is fairly uniform, with most stanzas consisting of similar line lengths. Varying the structure could help to emphasize key moments in the poem and create a more dynamic reading experience. Additionally, the pacing of the poem could be adjusted to better mirror the protagonist's emotional journey.

3. Language and Tone: The poem's language is straightforward and direct, which contributes to its accessibility. However, the use of more evocative or figurative language could help to deepen the emotional resonance of the poem. The tone is consistent throughout, but could be modulated to reflect the protagonist's changing feelings.

4. Theme and Message: The poem's exploration of gender roles and generational patterns is clear and compelling. However, the poem could benefit from a more explicit exploration of these themes, perhaps through the use of additional characters or scenes.

In conclusion, "My Mother’s Kitchen" is a poem with a strong central metaphor and clear themes. With some refinement of its imagery, structure, language, and thematic exploration, it has the potential to be a powerful exploration of responsibility and gender dynamics.

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Alex Tanner

Tue, 2024-08-06 06:30

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Generally I am not a fan of free verse but this,I think, is possibly one of the best pieces you have penned. A piece you have thought about. Direct, in your face. blunt and to the point. Yes i'm sure you could make improvements but I cannot see them after just a couple of reads. I'll have to come back to it but, as a mere male, I'm not sure i could even then. I'm sure you realise we are not all like that, my wife would never let me. Anyway a strong piece and for once I agree with AI, with some refinement it could have an even greater impact.. Alex

hippiemoon

Sun, 2024-08-11 11:48

hippiemoon's picture

I do know that not all men are like this!! My current partner was raised to help out around the house and he still does at any given opportunity. Just a bit mentally exhausting when I was nineteen and felt like the woman of the house. Thank you for your tips, I will look and see where I can refine it (although it may not be for a few days).

Best,
hippiemoon

the moon and the stars made us who we are <3

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