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My Day in the Sun

Submitted by docmaverick on Sat, 2011-02-19 10:31

I swam throughout her ocean,
had to fight her undertow;

her waves became my friend,
more than anyone could know.

Familiar with her coastline,
I've walked along her beach;

I tried to possess her heart, and mind;
both were out of reach.

Her air was so inviting,
I was dancing in her wind;

we grew, and were relating,
and, the thrill was if we'd sinned!

I so, enjoyed her ocean,
but, things just weren't meant to be;

that's the end of my education,
I've only memories.....of her sea.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

docmaverick

Sun, 2011-02-20 04:11

docmaverick's picture

..of course, you're right.....but, to never wander THAT beach, again...well, it's soooo difficult, right now. But, this was my excercise in, "closure".....
thanx,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

docmaverick

Sun, 2011-02-20 15:40

docmaverick's picture

Just can't trust that "undertow".

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

docmaverick

Sun, 2011-02-20 04:20

docmaverick's picture

..I changed the one line "back", but I didn't understand your comment about using, "mere".
sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

docmaverick

Sun, 2011-02-20 04:14

docmaverick's picture

...and how ironic! Your example was exactly how I had it, then I changed it. I think I'll change it, back.
later,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
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