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The Mirror
I sit down and realize I'm getting lost in a mirror.I guess I'm the mirror myself.
You talk to me and I answer to you. You don't remember me and I forget about your whole existence.
Everything becomes, easily, blurry memories. I'm afraid I'm a burden to those around me. But, at the same time the whole world is a burden to me. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Even my thoughts seem to be given instructions. I want to touch you, but I'm afraid I'll become a mirror again. That you will realize that too And you will be afraid of your own reflection.
Loneliness doesn't scare me. All I'm thinking about is that I won't be able to taste as much as I can, that moments will become memories again. And memories easily become air that will evaporate.
Everything revolves here. In a moment I always forget, but I always find myself in it again. Something is always missing, but ,at the same time, everything is still here.
The mirror is staring me right in my face. And I become its own eyes.
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-05-01 15:22
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "The Mirror," presents an introspective journey, exploring themes of self-identity, memory, and existential anxiety. It effectively uses the metaphor of a mirror to convey the speaker's struggle with self-perception and interaction with others. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.
1. Consistency in Imagery: The mirror metaphor is a powerful tool, but its usage could be more consistent throughout the poem. For instance, the line "Even my thoughts seem to be given instructions" seems disconnected from the mirror imagery. Revising such lines to tie back to the central metaphor could enhance the poem's cohesion.
2. Clarity of Message: The poem explores complex emotions and existential thoughts, but at times, the message becomes somewhat obscured. For example, the lines "Everything becomes, easily, blurry memories" and "memories easily become air that will evaporate" might benefit from more explicit connection to the mirror metaphor or a clearer explanation of their significance to the speaker's emotional state.
3. Punctuation and Formatting: There are a few instances where punctuation could be improved for better readability. For instance, the line "Something is always missing, but ,at the same time, everything is still here" could be revised to "Something is always missing, but, at the same time, everything is still here." Additionally, the poem might benefit from stanza breaks to delineate shifts in thought or mood.
4. Show, Don't Tell: The poem often tells the reader what the speaker is feeling, such as in the line "I'm afraid I'm a burden to those around me." Instead, consider showing these emotions through actions, reactions, or physical sensations to create a more immersive and engaging reading experience.
Overall, the poem has a compelling concept and a strong emotional core. By refining the imagery, clarifying the message, improving punctuation, and showing rather than telling, the poem could further enhance its impact.
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