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This is me ("Feb Contest")
I became aware
There in the evening of my time
I looked at things past
I had to smile no chaos
I watched for many years
There the world turned
It was kind to my ways
Quiet thoughtful days.
Now as night comes
It seeks to bend my time
I resist saying I am fine
These days are the best.
I watched as stars shone
They have always stayed for me
Twinkling in the night
The sun shone during the day
I was warmed deep inside
Yet travelled alone as always
Giving, yet hoping that one day
All my needs would be fulfilled
In the world a soul brushed mine
I could only watch another time
It is as all seekers see in reality
That there is one waiting for me
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Just a jotting for Feb's contest..
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2018-02-23 16:05
Hi Ian
This is a beautiful melancholic poem. I guess the organizers of the contest are going to find it tough to choose a winner.
Thanks for the experience of feeling the emotions flowing through your pen.....
Best wishes and regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Sparrow
Fri, 2018-02-23 18:39
Raj
Many thanks for your comment on this piece, it flowed with my feelings from the tip of my pen, though I had to tap a few keys to transpose it to the reader lol,
Take care my friend and great to see you here walking with my thoughts,
Yours as always Ian..
.
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Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti