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Me
How I envy such loves I hear of today
Why my vicarious warmth in my thoughts.
You don’t give a thought to what’s in my head.
I have heard it all before, and practiced it.
Sex, striving to be there for a while.
Up and down an act, that portrays my life
Did I commit my feelings or just pass by
Many times I steered a path of emptiness
Beauty there in their form now haunts me
Creatures I could only dream draped on my body
See you judge, yet you don't know me, go to hell
Why should I listen to your whining choice of life?
Talented creations held my mind time slowed
Then loneliness gnawed at my ruptured soul
Know that I care for all creatures that touch me
Yet it will not show, in my acts of bitterness.
Some would talk wisely to me as we entwined
if only I could have held them forever in my mind.
This was not to be, it was not them but me
I could throw a lifetime away yet appear to be
Why should I answer to your constant whine,
Leave me to my hard ways, I am doing quite fine?
Here I sit all fucked up, yet how you can see,
Is beyond me, in my own mind I am perfectly free
Now I have arrived here to talk to you of times gone
I will not change much, so don’t try to bend my ear
We are all in this life together so piss off let me be
I am still friendly, you just have to wait, and see.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Written from a comment I read earlier, and beware of hard words that they don't hurt your ear, Not my attitude or look at life just another fiction write.
Yours, Sparrow.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
Leicestershire, Ex Moonraker
Favorite Poets
All those I meet or read about in my books, then some others show me, bless them.., I.T.Howard © 2014
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Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2014-08-05 00:46
sounds familiar
glad to hear some grunt in your work.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 02:54
Jess
Just Sparrow having a fun day, have shut him in his cage again and it is hanging in the back of my cave lol.
Thanks for your visit, Yours Ian
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
author commentemeka ozurumba
Tue, 2014-08-05 10:20
ian please dont curse
ian please dont curse
weirdelf
Wed, 2014-08-06 02:44
then you don't curse, Emeka
but don't dare try to censor others. You have no moral compass in the world of poetry, it includes all humanity, language and expression.
You are like like those who oppose homosexuality, if you don't like it, don't do it. And a million other reasons why religious snots cause wars, hatred and death. Mind your own morality, not others.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 18:53
Thanks Jess
It probably took a few by surprise to read one of mine with other words in it, but you are right, we should extend our ways just to show we can lol.
Can't see me continuing this trend though it doesn't come easy to my thoughts.
Damn it though why do people think that I cannot use the odd bad language which is now the norm, even though as I said it doesn't sit well with they way I am usually.
Go well young Jess and walk lightly with those that need a quiet friend,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
author commentIan.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 18:41
Emeka
I was putting to verse a comment answer I read the other day, I blame Sparrow he jumps up and down and grabs my keyboard then off he goes on a mission,
I have now retained my keyboard and locked him away for a few days.
But honestly it is within our realms to be able to curse sometimes, I have been in war zones and in danger with others there the language would turn your hair white overnight.
I have been alongside grown men that cried because there was a sudden noise, their ways of talking is near standard in these days, I will always return to my children and their ways, with all the unconditional love that entails, I have also spent an hour with people some ladies that discussed the "F" word and its use in the modern way of talking.
I rarely use slang and Anglo Saxon words in my writing, but I am fully aware of its use.
Take not to heart that I can sometimes use what you would call swear words or curses, I came from a very old family that probably had a few witches in there or what they would call witches, now they don't burn us as they use to for speaking to Spirit.
Go well young man and learn of all these things then walk with a straight back into the world, Yours Ian.T and the Children.
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2014-08-05 12:37
A liitle late in ur life don't u think epicurially
Sex, striving to be there for a while.
Up and down an act,
back and forth
shattering after all
that portrays my life
u mean ur life...
Ian.T
Tue, 2014-08-05 18:45
Loved
If you read the comments and answers over the past few days, you will know that this piece is taken from some ones comment and converted into a poem of sorts.
I did it as an exercise just forgive the deviation in word use it was a part of the piece I couldn't leave out.
Take care young Bard I shall be back on normalities road next week lol
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2014-08-06 00:01
time at my disposal is just
time at my disposal is just
24 hours
20 hours i sleep
like a BABY with mommy
no work for me
how can I reada ll comments
just tell me
well I love poetry romantic and sexy
post some more will thee
or should i just wink at me!
hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I will show the inners
the world desires to see
what of sexiness twill bee
blasted what kind of four letter poetry
now you think foul of me
I meant what when with only....
wtf is not
what the fucks
but
where to file did
u know?
Ian
you are becoming ancient
be modern like me 21st what fuckin sanctuary .
.ah haa century!
Leonard
Thu, 2014-08-07 01:18
Hi Ian
This is a fine piece - plenty of heart in it. However, I was wondering whether the word "Snatched" in the the fourth stanza 2nd line "then loneliness snatched" could be replaced by "Gnawed". Also I have never been comfortable with words like "shit" in poetry.
Having said that, I would like to add further that a poem is such a personal piece of communication that is impossible to gauge the complete range of emotion that a poet goes through while expressing himself.
A poem or, for that matter an piece of art, is indeed a lonely piece of work - open to all sorts of critiques and interpretations, accolades and criticism but the beauty behind it is the mystery, the enigma which is representative of the artist behind the work.
Cheers
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Ian.T
Thu, 2014-08-07 03:30
Leonard
To me it makes little difference whether the word shit is in this piece, I don't like to use it but not my usual way of talking about things but this is a write of the way someone else may speak.
Even the word Snatched as in an abrupt action of taking something I didn't mind too much.
I have taken out the shitty parts and slowed down the take over of the soul lol just for you.
Great constructive critique and thank you for your renewed activity here with us on Neopoet,
Yours as always Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
author commentLeonard
Thu, 2014-08-07 23:08
Thanks Ian
I agree with you. In that case, snatched is definitely the more appropriate word. You know, I am always vary of making suggestions because, as I mentioned earlier, a poem is such a personal piece of work. When one writes under the influence of a particular emotion, the words will fit precisely that emotion.
Cheers and keep writing. I enjoy your work.
Always
Leonard Daranjo
"When the waiting stops, the living begins"
Ian.T
Fri, 2014-08-08 03:48
Leonard
Thank you very much for your complete critique, very few of our members are so thorough, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
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