Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Loving

Submitted by Ian.T on Sun, 2012-07-22 04:27

The Loving

How you may cry,
did this world
that has enclosed me.
For long days,
become so real.

That you would turn
from those days
Those days
when the sun felt warm
as it played with your skin.

Making each gentle caress
of the breeze
a multitude of sins
Did you lose sight
of the real you
then only see your wishes

What if they can see,
those things in their minds
Then you are not
what they are looking for,
because they are blind

You will shout one day
that you have found
all the things you need
It will come in simple form
maybe in one good deed

Carried out by someone
not blind to other things
Someone that you care for
with many inner charms
Who you will welcome one day
into these lonely arms.

I will think of you
in future days
for soon,
there they will be.
Something for you
to hold on to
I know it wont be me

For there is a person
so close to you,
that you just cannot see
If you just
open up your eyes
there they will be,
for you

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Written a while back for someone who asked a question ????
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Sun, 2012-07-22 09:28

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

i think you could make something more succinct with this to give it more impact
just me -

i really enjoyed the thoughts behind the prose

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-07-22 17:50

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I use to write pieces for people and this was a while back now trimmed a little to make it into prose as it were.
It will seem long winded because it was an answer to many questions of what do I do now, is there a future for me, etc: asked by someone of me.
What do you say, get off your bum, there are many out there that you will find, or more fish in the sea, those words if I recall would have meant nothing, so you have to dress things up a little and take time to show someone that there is more to nothing lol.
Thanks for your read and comment I guess I shall have to write it up a bit better?? Time is the enemy at the gate I have much to do so please excuse some things written badly the theme aint too bad though ??? Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-07-23 00:21

loved's picture

of free verse
and you are adept also at

E P I CU R I A L ONES

I GENERALLY read
first line and last para only
great must the rest be

loved

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-07-23 02:50

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

You are impossible,
If then the truth be strewn at our doors
That you only read two stanzas and seldom more.
Shall we not ask of you in tender tones
To only write two of your own.
As this will save our thoughts which sounds quite absurd
Where you can only read so many words,
Then asking us to read so many more
Surly when you are writing and reach that Two,
Twill be a final stanza a final score for me and You.

I have put this reply into two bits LOL,
I know I am going to have to say sorry, to our young Bard,
For treating the words so very hard,
Teach you we shall not,
Yours Ian.T He He

E P I CU R I A L:- have you made a new word ??????

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-07-23 04:04

loved's picture

You Ian are a bit too much
and I have to bow to you
And I thought you knew
I have coined so many words
of my own
even I forget which
BUT one such one is
epicurial
reading ...hope he is not listening ..
he is keyman now here

is it SNOWING???

loved

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-07-23 04:19

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Having a play on words and fun with some poets namely Loved Lol..
Never take to heart anything I say, unless I leash Anglo Saxon your way,
This I shall never do to you, in any way,
Yours Ian.T

Have a great day it is Summer here today, the Sun is shinning time to celebrate an outside life La La

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Thu, 2012-07-26 00:30

loved's picture

Weathers weather away
Summer is too darned bloody hot
scorching killing
Rains by gosh
one gets drenched
weathers weather away
Spring, oh I forgot it comes much earlier
hope it brings…
Autumn is deadly it erodes
leaves trees nude and exposed
my entire roses die too
hardly any survive,
the way i wish them to.
Winter comes and the heating is on,
it’s not so much as the cold that kills,
But the meter reading,
my, the electricity bill
how I wish there weren’t any seasons
the sun stayed beneath the horizon
and only the moon gave its coolness
as we sleep in our amours lifelessness
and do that what we always do
and I’m sure tis your wish too.

loved

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-07-23 03:38

docmaverick's picture

"Prose is made of words in their best order; and poetry is the best words in the best order ." — Poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
A nice effort,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-07-23 03:41

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Thanks for your visit, lovely to see you here and thanks for commenting, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-07-23 04:12

loved's picture

On another site ...
a kid perhaps,
composed a silly poem

I gave him a bit of my
unwarranted suggestions....

he came down with a mouthful pour
and I shall tell you no more ,
unless you insist which you will
I like simplicity as poetry ,
coz no one reads poems any more,
some poets make it complicated for sure
that poetry is not read by no more
anymore .
So Sir let me compose silly ones
but enjoy
as you will understand them
or words to such kind
he wanted to remind
Loved one
keep that in mind
and keep commenting on othere
not mine.

loved

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-07-23 04:27

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

If you are going to speak in rhyme
just make sure I am not stood behind
For on your head I shalt lay such a slap
Tomorrow you will fail to raise from the nap
I shall smote you hard and tell all I see
That Loved had sang poetry to me
A cry will go out through our land
That all poets should put their heads in sand
So that they are not transformed into singing so
Or write his way or we will forgo
All poetic forms from this time forth you know
I am leaving into my dark room, I shall surely go.
rotflmao

Yours Ian. T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-07-25 01:04

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

nothing

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-07-25 03:22

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

It is so hard to say nothing in so many words lol, I should have been a politician...
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-07-25 11:36

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

You said much, but I feel it could have been said in far less words.

A lot of me/you change could cause this poem to hit the bar, perhaps not the limbo bar, but something similar.

Be brave, make it more you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-07-25 18:22

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I will probably pass a little Brain wind on this one to see if it can talk better if only to get it away from me it stinks lol.
Thanks for your help there young man, you are very active on Neo at the moment can I have some of that medicine it sort of gives out energy..
But on refection it would take away my sleep lol,
Take care Jess Know we are there with you, Yours Ian.T and Others

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-07-25 12:34

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

I am eternally grateful, even if I didn't reply to your encouraging support.

The next task, and it is still daunting, is to write my own work.

It will come "The nature of Jess is Irrepressible"

Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-07-25 18:21

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I will look forward to reading your pending work, I guess as you always imply it will need a few kicks to get it started and then finished but I am sure the finished Item will be as polished as can be..
You have helped many people (Poets) on Neo so I guess this is not the only place you work at tutoring others, anyway Thank you for all you do.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.