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The Lost Soul

Regrets cemented in the heart,
a man, burdened by his sins.
Alone, he faced the poisoned dart
of hate which he'd sown within.

He tossed and turned in his bed
as he cursed and wept bitter tears
for all the crimes that he has led,
his conscience pricked, he felt his fear.

His body ached, his mind, a mess.
He saw the souls of men he killed.
They crawled, they hissed, they end his rest
and caused his beating heart to still.

The Reaper dragged his soul away.
He screamed and begged but it's too late
for all the wealth he had that day
can never save him from his fate.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A good one indeed. I like the rhymes. I only thought the last line is a bit long. May be drop [ever]?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thanks for the visit, the read and the comment. Done the edit.

Alid

author comment

Hello! I enjoyed reading this poem, and look forward to reading more of your work.

My only critique is the same as Rula's. Otherwise, great job!

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I don't usually use rhymes in my poems. i loved to write in a variety of theme and, if I may, in different styles. Among my poems which have become my favourite is "My Ascension", "One Step At A Time", "Sunrise", "Winter" and "A Message To A Friend".

Alid

author comment
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