Once again a space to breathe would help, and as I said on your first poem, you have plenty of time to learn.
I liked the way this one flowed just a few bumps to smooth but basically a very good write, Yours Ian.T

like Ian said.

Trust me on this, I have an infallible sense for talent, and you have it. But what you need to do is read really good poetry. It won't demean or trivialise your own poetry, it will help you learn to avoid the mistakes made by others, especially cliches.

I really look forward to more of your work.

crisp and to the point.. and i like the pattern!

The rhyming seems forced, like if you looked for the easied words that rhym,
like making a list then using words from it to craete a poem such is this;
shoe
blue
clue
dew
flew
glue
I can go no and no, but it won't sound always good, because any good poet will see the forced effort.
I think that you do have something in you to write but you have to let it flow.
try writing for five minutes without taking your pen or pencil of the paper don't think just write.
try by thinking of a tree and write for five minutes with out stopping what the tree means to you and what it can do in your life or what memories a trees brings to you. try all these thing about a tree without stopping> remember use a pen or pencil, DO-NOT use your computer. this is and excercise that was taught to me, I hope it helps you.

Eddie
...

& always feel free to let advice that doesn't work for you, or feels condescending, just roll right off you, take the best from this place Rachel (& life) & use it to build what you already have so much of.

I remember at your age feeling like I had to be so grateful & take on advice from "elders"... it's ok to just take on what really works, & sometimes it's hard to know what is truly useful... don't always trust "oldies" to know better than you necessarily, but temper it with the question (does this feel right?).

Cheers
Anni