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Laotong

Submitted by Alaethia D on Sat, 2024-03-09 23:40

I try to look into my chest
And all I see is night,
A lack of what I think is best,
And void of all that's right.
I'm seeking a spark,
I'm seeking a heart,
And yet I have no sight.

You try to look into my chest
And there you see a light,
A presence of the good that's best,
A fire that's warm and bright.
You're seeing a spark,
You're seeing a heart,
And telling me your sight.

I try to look into your chest
And looking there, I see
A light that is better than best,
The same you saw in me.
I'm finding a spark,
I'm finding a heart,
And telling you what I see
Is all you ever wanted to be.

We look into each other's hearts
And slowly realize,
The only way we can see sparks
Is through each other's eyes.
And so I see that I can't see
Unless, my friend, you see for me.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Lǎotóng (老同) lit 'old sames' - A type of relationship in Chinese culture that bonded two girls together for eternity as kindred sisters.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
03/24: What My Best Friend Gave Me
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sun, 2024-03-10 11:20

Candlewitch's picture
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I like the idea of two girls reaching out to the other and forming the bond of a lifeline. I have a "sister" who lives in another country. We love each-other deeply. My favorite lines of your poem are:

We look into each other's hearts
And slowly realize,
The only way we can see sparks
Is through each other's eyes.
And so I see that I can't see
Unless, my friend, you see for me.

good luck on the contest!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Alaethia D

Mon, 2024-03-11 07:41

Alaethia D's picture

and I'm assuming you met this sister in another country over the internet? Perhaps not... that is how I and my Laotong met. I am glad you enjoyed and resonated with the poem. :) Thank you for commenting!

author comment

Lavender

Sun, 2024-03-10 23:02

Lavender's picture
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Hello, Alaethia,
What a beautiful word! "Kindred sisters." You've described a warm, positive bond and relationship which we all deserve. Lovely.
Thank you!
L

Alaethia D

Mon, 2024-03-11 07:42

Alaethia D's picture

Sometimes I wish I could speak in a language which is all the beautiful words that are not English, with a few more powerful words from English thrown in, because words like "Laotong" and "Shinobinaku" always seem to have more meaning. Thank you for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed. :)

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