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Labelmaker (The Sum of my Parts)
I'm here to find me,
whomever I might be.
I'm here to find God,
if He's really here.
[And I don't know if He's here
because there are days I can't seem to see
a foot in front of my face.
There are days
I don't even know
what He'd look like.]
I'm here and only here
to find you,
not myself,
not myself today,
and I'm not here to find
who you want me to be.
I'm not here to find
what you believe me to be
from one moment to the next.
[[Label maker,
label maker,
judge and execute me;
why don't you judge and execute me still?]]
And I'm not here to fuck your wife,
I'm not here to be
something I'm not
or to wear the name you chose for me.
[[For Lana,
for Bob,
for Lori.
For Karen,
for Donna,
for Mike,
and for my sister Laura,
and everyone else.
For the names and sour faces
and all the the assumptions and judgements,
and heady stares and stern looks.
For your lack of empathy,
for your lack of compassion,
for making me something I'm not.]]
[And I'm not here to be cast aside,
I'm not here to fuck your teenage son;
I'm more
than the labels you give me,
more than the sum of my parts.]
[[Label maker,
label maker,
judge and execute me;
why don't you judge and execute me still?
Why don't you banish me,
while telling us
all about God's holy love?]]
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Fri, 2016-04-01 19:57
not that long ago
i locked into my sheild sword and weapon
of words
the righteous more righteous then
the stand for simplicity of experience
most could handle
but I...had more grooming
more experience
the black roads..the white roads
and lived somewhere in the grey
roads
where some found in me that
like to like
and I found in it a despair
and pity and shame
that somehow I was wronged
and drove like crabs in the
bucket others
waiting till they just had
freedom
to pull them
back...
restart.a..reboot
the world again
but lately despite
and almost being
set out in a setting
of help
was a lesson learned
and they got to very
much tell in my face
there..and on a bus
and in front of a good
doctor
and God above
the error of my ways
not wanting me to be
banished for there
are moments of great
good....I believe in
it more...
some days its very
shakey
I can feel that close
shadow
so close
knowing part of it
is myself
but that need to
wear that fur
and taste that
which has a thirst
is put away
and it settles
goes away
freedom in the
smallest of steps
a short short distance
but a distance
that I would never
believe possible
even as much as it
is today..
in time...with patience
steadfast to not jump
back..kick the
rules
apart with my selfish
feet or words
or meaness
I can make a new
road...
something I would
have and believe
impossible in my
little ego world
my shamed little
self hurt
it hurts to grow
its scary to have no
shield
take a few blows
I need to hear
like all others have
borne and wear
to make their
way solid focused
and positive
I can hear the creek
not the voices to hurry
to rush...
not the want to get
lost in a room
and become my
own souls eviction
where just the anger
will be free
that is not anger
not even too my
anger
not even mostly
too myself
carefully I teach
myself to be me
set aside a moment
of a time....like a
walk with the dog
or a trip I need
for myself or others
finding the singular
moment
a ray of sun
a snowflake falling
past an lcd light
simple as a kid I once
was and remember
with all the malice
and indifference
I am not that
not at this moment
if I want it
all I can is drop
this small precious
thing I keep
compared to the
useless attempt
to say to myself
I am right
when all I have too
do is admit my wrongs
and work from
there...
i am learning
all over again
and its not futile
nor stupid
not this time
I am still your poem
inside why I relate
to poetry and others
and I can be the
humble freedom
that takes this work
mistakes are made
still
but not to crush
myself under unessacary
burdens that I thought
I deserved
thank U for this
honest work
that touches my
feelings
...