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Incognito

INCOGNITO
************************************************************
Take off your mask you warn out clown..... with painted frown
Your world is turning ....upside down
Your smile is but a brush line deep
Those star crossed eyes, that spark with glitter
Long to weep..... the tears of years
Of hollow fun, the jokes are stale
The antics done to death,
Oh!.....what a bore,

Thrown to the crowds behind a satin vest, no time to rest
Your sawdust ring has lost its zest
Your act now weary, humour merely,
Slap-stick and sequined cloth.
A never ending circle of (dis)illusions
Where only the tricks have simple solutions
Nerves like the tight wire, stretched and strained,
Raw to the bones, withered and drained,

Fading now the golden trumpet’s opening blasts
And those faint drum rolls of the past.
It’s hard to hear the welcome cheer
The gasp of in drawn breath.
The canvas cone is but a fragile dome
Blown by the winds of in consequence
Torn, temporary frame contains your name,
Within its roped circumference,
A forgotten entity, just a curtain from reality,
That’s all you’ll be, just a clown from the past,
Painted smile, shining vest, so let’s pack up the show,
Cut the lights, curtains close........just.......... go!
Sheila Collinge
1976

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Written when I was going through a rather difficult time in my life.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Not sure what you mean here.

Sheila Collinge

author comment

Written during a difficult period in my life- took about ten minutes- never considered publication of any kind. Part of personal collection.

Sheila Collinge

author comment

I have already written in this box , then it disappears, so frustrating.

Sheila Collinge

author comment

A very good first write sorry I have only just found your write.
The use of Capitals for the start of each line is not absolute and the use of all those dots where only one will do will be picked up.
Loved the use of rhyme now have a look around at the other poets and see where a change of line length could be of use and doing so without loss of theme.
But your description is great.
Take care will talk soon,
Yours Sparrow.

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I believe that you have misspelled "worn" in th first line. Other than that, I loveit.

Alid

nice to meet you! your poem reminds me of a long ago period in my life, where everything seemed mixed up and crazy! I did enjoy the tale you told.

ellipses, the three dots... are just fine. they indicate a trailing off of thought or a missing word. they are also a matter of personal choice!

always, Cat

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