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Imagery (Simile or metaphor that is the ???) Critique exercise 1

Submitted by Ian.T on Mon, 2012-08-27 10:19

A metaphor is a literary figure of speech that describes a subject by asserting that it is, on some point of comparison, the same as another otherwise unrelated object.
Metaphor is a type of analogy and is closely related to other rhetorical figures of speech that achieve their effects via association, comparison or resemblance including allegory, hyperbole, and simile.

A simile is a figure of speech that directly compares two different things, usually by employing the words "like" or "as”.
Unlike a metaphor, a simile can be as precise as the user needs it to be, to explicitly predicate a single feature of a target or to vaguely predicate an under-determined and open-ended body of features.
Empirical research supports the observation that similes are more likely to be used with explicit explanations of their intended meaning;
This offers some support to the claim that similes are preferred if a user wants to associate an unusual or out-of-the-ordinary property with a target.

A small poem

I is so small
Don’t laugh I is not tall
I hear you laugh, it’s no joke
I just a little pig in a poke
The same stood up as laying down
If I should fall just look carefully around
I’ll be about half an inch off the ground
It is no fun at all
I is so small

Yenti

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Simile.. Oh by the way. What's in the bag (Poke)?????
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Critique workshop - positive critiques

Comments

judyanne

Mon, 2012-08-27 10:54

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so people will find it

this is a fun write
and although 'pig in a poke' means a totally different thing than the text in which you place it, i think it is effective in its silliness

i would suggest 'piglet', but that's just a thought

i like the line
'The same stood up as laying down'
- it conjures a wonderful image for it describes it to me perfectly - i can see exactly what you are saying

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-08-27 10:58

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I think I will alter the Pig to Piglet it would look smaller.

As with your write there are many things we see and think yet the reader misses the small things:- "the pig in a poke"

A poke is a sack or bag. It has a French origin as 'poque' and, like several other French words, its diminutive is formed by adding 'ette' or 'et' - hence 'pocket' began life with the meaning 'small bag'.
Poke is still in use in several English-speaking countries, notably Scotland and the USA, and describes just the sort of bag that would be useful for carrying a piglet to market.

The idioms pig in a poke and sell a pup (or buy a pup) refer to a confidence trick originating in the Late Middle Ages, when meat was scarce, but cats and dogs (puppies) were not
The idiom pig in a poke can also simply refer to someone buying a low-quality pig in a bag because he or she did not carefully check what was in the bag.
It's fun to find these things out.
Thank you for your good critique, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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Ian.T

Mon, 2012-08-27 18:25

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It is late and that Judy said that this was a simile and now you say it is a metaphor I will rest and look afresh at this in the morning.
Thanks for your comment I will see who is correct, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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judyanne

Tue, 2012-08-28 00:11

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for some reason i read 'like a pig in a poke'

- did you have that originally?

anyway, beau is correct - it is a metaphor as it is 

love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-08-28 13:50

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I must be tired or something My original words on that line were:-
"I just a little pig in a poke" which has a few meanings and I think at the time it was meant to mean :- A small thing and not what you expected me to be.
But with one thing and another I lost the plot somewhere LOL
That you never know what is in the poke the pig can stand lol
Take care loves you all and if Beau is right as stands then I will change the Title for workshop, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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scribbler

Tue, 2012-08-28 12:47

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I was about to have to research difference between simile and metaphor but now you've saved me the trouble . By saying you actually are a pig in a poke I reckon that's a metaphore by you definition. I enjoyed this poem on the lack of impertance of I..................stan

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-08-28 13:49

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I is so small and didn't mean to cause so much debate, and as to that Pig it could have been anything in the poke, if you buy one.
I just sat here and wrote it down in a couple of minutes, because Judy asked for a small poem lol.
It's just little ole me I is small lol, Yours, Tom Thumb

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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Rula

Tue, 2012-08-28 13:07

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these are two close figures of speech , I mean the simile and the metaphore and I have just inquired if we can ever use the simile without the use of like and as -as a comment on Stan's piece - when I read judy's comment that it might be not clear as a simile without these two tools (like, as)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Ian.T

Tue, 2012-08-28 13:49

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I just sat here and wrote a small poem as Judy asked LOL.
Now this has caused such a lot of comment I think I shall write more little things, like the Lilliput Chronicles as a small edition. Or the Pigmy Papers from the Congo lol
Thanks for your comment, I am now totally confused, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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weirdelf

Thu, 2012-08-30 04:37

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and I like it a lot.

It combines humour with the pathos of feeling small in our lives.

In fact I think it's one of my favourite poems of yours.

Brevity is a major key here, and to online poetry and critique, it's why I've hassled you so much about it lately. Forgive me, please, in my 5 years on Neopoet and 20 years online I've learned people just don't read long things! Just trying to help.

This may change with the advent of Notepads where people can relax and read them like a book.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Ian.T

Thu, 2012-08-30 11:05

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Thanks for your visit, this one was jotted down when I read that Judy wanted a small poem for the next part of the workshop.
I notice that this direct form of write seems to have more effect.
Look,you know it is hard to get much through to me, but I do listen to all the things said, and I appreciate all the patience you have shown me.
I am very glad to see that I have a great teacher here now, though smug and uncontrollable sometimes he is one of the best.
It is a pleasure to walk with you,
Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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weirdelf

Thu, 2012-08-30 11:11

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that Neopoet was an elite site. Is that a good or a bad thing?
I just said that it meant poets helped each other,
Do you think that's true?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Rula

Sun, 2012-09-09 00:51

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I have to add this for the sake of the workshop -you know.

Your writing is of great fun indeed. My only problem was that the use of the
metaphor "a little pig in a poke". You know as different cultures sometimes the metaphor
used might be either mis-interrupted or not well understood.
Just thought I'd say it .
As you see it is the problem of me as a reader not the author's.

As a suggestion , I think it is not a bad idea that the author would add a reference if the metaphor used is hard to read/ be interrupted or not usually used but it is only me.

Thanks for understanding.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Rula

Sun, 2012-09-09 01:02

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that both your constructive critique Workshop dear Beau(the sandwich compliment) and this Work shop (the positive critique)add a lot to my ability to give a critique.Many thanks go to you and dear Judy.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-09-10 18:12

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In my reply to Judy, above, I put the explanation of the piggy and pokes in so that all would understand the way of these statements, with a couple of other small bits, so that all could understand, as sometimes these sayings are hard.
It is sometimes hard when we use local sayings and accents in writing,
it is as Jess says I think that in your language the English doesn't come up to the descriptive words you use in quite a few things.
I usually put an explanation, somewhere on the page or in answer to the comments.
Take care out there, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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