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I Lost the Instructions
‘Where how I lost them isn’t important’
I told my psychiatrist seeking endorsement.
‘The why is what matters!’ I cried with exhaustion, acutely annoyed by his practice of caution.
‘I tossed them aside as I couldn’t adhere to these mind control tactics that prey on my fear!’
Finally he spoke, slowly, to hide his alarm, ‘it’s important at this stage you try to stay calm’..
He scrawled on a notepad and teared off the sheet as I sat there in stiffness with heart-racing beat.
..‘Here’s a replacement don’t lose it again, it just says your appointment’s tomorrow at ten’.
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-08-05 22:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "I Lost the Instructions" presents a narrative that is both engaging and thought-provoking. The use of dialogue and internal monologue effectively conveys the speaker's emotional state and the tension in the situation.
However, it would be beneficial to consider the following points to further enhance the poem:
1. Consistency in Punctuation: In the poem, there are instances where punctuation is used effectively to enhance the rhythm and flow. However, there are also instances where punctuation is missing or inconsistent. For instance, the first line ends with a quotation mark, but it is unclear where the quoted speech begins. Ensuring consistent and correct use of punctuation can help to clarify the speaker's voice and the narrative progression.
2. Imagery: While the poem does well in conveying the speaker's emotional state through dialogue and monologue, it could benefit from the use of more vivid and concrete imagery. This can help to create a more immersive experience for the reader and to convey the speaker's emotions and experiences more powerfully.
3. Rhythm and Meter: The poem seems to aim for a rhythmic quality, but the meter is inconsistent. For example, the second line is considerably longer than the first, disrupting the rhythm. Paying attention to the syllable count and stress pattern in each line can help to create a more consistent and pleasing rhythm.
4. Show, Don't Tell: The poem could benefit from showing rather than telling in some instances. For example, instead of stating that the speaker is "acutely annoyed", the poem could show this through the speaker's actions, words, or thoughts.
5. Clarity of Message: While the poem effectively conveys a sense of tension and emotional turmoil, the central message or theme could be clearer. The title suggests that the poem is about losing instructions, but it is not entirely clear what these instructions represent or why their loss is significant. Developing this metaphor further could help to clarify and deepen the poem's message.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-08-06 06:21
Dear Ed,
Where did you learn punctuation? I find it quite creative and entertaining! From his actions, I would say that the shrink is sorely in need of a shrink! for me, this was an enjoyable read/write. A little chaos now and then is good for shaking loose the complacency.
Again, welcome to Neopoet, well met!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Clentin
Mon, 2024-08-12 14:09
Your poem reflects the many
Your poem reflects the many sessions that really do not affect positive change. All sessions with medical personnel
Are not what they should be.
Nice read