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I Didn't Know You

Submitted by David Grigorian on Mon, 2024-03-18 01:53

I didn’t know you,
I wondered,
Of your thoughts
Behind your wavy red hair,
The way your emerald eyes,
Saw the world,
The joy in your smile.

I didn’t know you,
I saw you dance in the rain,
the autumn leaves in your hair,
You caught a snowflake.
With your tongue.

I didn’t know you,
I asked for a hug,
You embraced me,
Rubbed my face with the snow,
I was excited,
You were inspired,
I knew you.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-03-18 07:53

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "I Didn't Know You" appears to be a narrative piece that explores the theme of getting to know someone. The repetition of the phrase "I didn’t know you" serves as an effective device to structure the poem and to emphasize the speaker's journey from ignorance to understanding.

The poem could benefit from more precise and varied language. For example, the phrase "the way your emerald eyes, saw the world" could be expanded upon to provide more specific insights into how the subject sees the world. Similarly, the phrase "the joy in your smile" could be reworked to provide a more unique and vivid description of the subject's joy.

The poem also contains a number of grammatical errors that disrupt the flow of the narrative. For example, the line "You caught a snowflake. With your tongue." could be rewritten as "You caught a snowflake with your tongue" to maintain the continuity of the action.

The last stanza of the poem marks a shift from the speaker not knowing the subject to knowing them. However, the transition could be made clearer. The speaker's excitement and the subject's inspiration are mentioned, but it's not clear how these emotions contribute to the speaker's understanding of the subject. Providing more details about this emotional exchange could help to clarify the speaker's transition from not knowing the subject to knowing them.

In summary, while the poem effectively uses repetition to structure the narrative and explore its theme, it could benefit from more precise and varied language, correction of grammatical errors, and a clearer depiction of the speaker's transition from not knowing the subject to knowing them.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

David Grigorian

Fri, 2024-03-29 23:34

Thank you

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2024-03-19 11:34

I Didn't Know You

Greetings, David,
Welcome to Neopoet! What a lovely first poem! Admiring a love from a distance, or perhaps even closer, but still not close enough. I like the time span through the seasons, the observations and esteem. Very tender thoughts. I'd love to know the meaning in the usage of the word "inspired." It left me wondering just a bit...
Thank you!
Lavender

David Grigorian

Fri, 2024-03-29 23:36