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Historically
In Olden Days were deity
to worship from a bended knee.
Their numbers were as grains of sand
with different names in every land.
And orisons were never free.
The sailor sued upon the sea,
the farmer from his field’s ennui,
but not for Man had idols planned
in Olden Days.
Reform betides us presently.
The long engaged theomachy
is fought with fewer gods on hand.
Still Man must sacrifice withstand
and ever do the Nations flee
the Olden Days.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Theom´achy- a battle with or against gods.
Orison- a prayer; a plea
I think I like the Rondeau Judy, but it is WAY too small for my long winded ways. Writing this gave me all sorts of ideas of working down to just one god, but I ran out of poem before I began.
By the way, I know I cheated on the last line. I'll flog myself, you needn't trouble yourself.
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Southern California
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Tolkien, Byron, Longfellow, Shakespeare, Dr. Suess, Elizabeth Browning, Robert Browning, Dickinson
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Comments
Ross Hamilton Hill
Fri, 2012-11-16 22:30
wesley
i liked this, the rhythm is jaunty, and the rhyme scheme is new to me,
I'm puzzled by the second verse, not sure what it means.
I liked the ideas.
'in olden days a glimpse of stocking
was looked on as something shocking
now anything goes'
ross
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-11-17 09:58
Thanks Ross.
The second stanza tells us that man begged the gods for help. The sailor on the dangerous sea and the farmer with his dying crops, but the gods didn't give a rat's ass. They (idols, icons) didn't plan for mankind, just themselves.
I hate Cole Porter.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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author commentRoss Hamilton Hill
Sat, 2012-11-17 12:49
I get it
you hate Cole Porter, why? he doesn't hate you.
ho ho
wesley snow
Sat, 2012-11-17 17:04
He would have Ross.
He would have.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2012-11-18 23:10
great write wes
I thoroughly enjoyed this
and I see no reason that you couldn’t write a series of octograms to tell the longer story…
after all, it is most likely what the troubadours did with the French forms – lol – there you can look that up for me
and as for the last line – I don’t see that as a cheat – I think the differing meaning was what a lot of the repeating verses were after
the pantoum – our next exercise – about to put it up, likes to subtly change the meaning of the repeating line, albeit by punctuation (but i won't be mentioning it in the exercise, as thing then get too complicated) I see no reason for one or two word changes either… after all, they are all there to be played with imo
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
wesley snow
Sun, 2012-11-18 23:21
Thanks for the tip on pantoum.
I need more time than everyone else.
Yes, the smaller forms did make for longer ones. The legends of Arthur were French first and generally sung (though his name was Artur).
In my Octogram (about to post it) I changed the first line of each repeating one also. Glad you're okay with it. It just seems right somehow.
The rondeau was inspired by a book I'm reading. A 1959 history of Rome during the collapse of the Republic. Greek gods, Roman gods, Egyptian gods, Hebrew god, Persian gods... geez louise.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2012-11-18 23:44
lol - not such an early tip
it's just gone up - i'll probably give people more than a week for this one - we'll see how we go...
lol - i'm talking octograms up there when this is a rondeau - just too tired sometines to concentrate i guess - at least that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it
:)
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
BettyBuff
Mon, 2012-11-19 02:26
Sorry
The legends of Arthur, were NOT French!!!!...read my poem 'Thoughts From Guinievere'...The stories were made up by a Welsh Monk!..based on the fictional exploits of a romano-briish warrior called Arturus...they were produced to give a British collective social & historical context, as a British version of The great Frank leader Charlemagne. Centuries later, taken up in a collective called 'Le Mort d'Artur'...
'Betty' aka Ellie :))
BettyBuff
Mon, 2012-11-19 02:26
Sorry
The legends of Arthur, were NOT French!!!!...read my poem 'Thoughts From Guinievere'...The stories were made up by a Welsh Monk!..based on the fictional exploits of a romano-briish warrior called Arturus...they were produced to give a British collective social & historical context, as a British version of The great Frank leader Charlemagne. Centuries later, taken up in a collective called 'Le Mort d'Artur'...
'Betty' aka Ellie :))
Ross Hamilton Hill
Thu, 2012-11-22 03:13
who knows
according to 'Journey To Avalon' an exhaustive look at the Arthurian legends King Arthur Pendragon lived from 482-562 ad and was king of Morgannwg and Gwent. His son, Morgan Morynvawr was also king of Morgannwg and Gwent. His ancestors the Glamorgan family live in St Donat's castle, Wales and trace their line back 41 generations to King Arthur.
BettyBuff
Thu, 2012-11-22 05:24
Yes
Ross, the Welsh monk KNEW of this factual detail and wove it into a fictional story...to give the Romano-Britsh a sort of collective consciousness. The genius of the Monmouth Monk's fantasy has just enough fact in it to place historical & social context. There was absolutely NO King Arthur as we suppose him to be...and NO Camelot...it's all loose association. A place the Monk thought would INSPIRE a collective ideal. 'Journey To Avalon' has been junked by serious historical investigative scholars.
It's like William Shakespeare adding the Witches scene to Macbeth to flatter the new King James 1...the story of the Scottish King's struggle for Kingdom was well documented...places, people actually existed. The narration and the prophecy telling was all rubbish, concocted to flatter the new King's interest and to deliver Shakespeare some healthy revenue-inducing patronage!
Anyway, this doesn't detract from Mr Snow's poem...and we are starting to go off tangents.
Ellie
wesley snow
Thu, 2012-11-22 11:17
Ah, but tangent is good!
It is indeed how I create (which of course is why most of my poetry is so freaking long).
I have always suspected Arthur was a composite created by the courageous Gaelic resistance to "the Saxon Horde", but then... scholars now know that Caligula likely didn't have sex with his sisters and appointed his horse to the Consulship to humiliate the Senate and not because he was nuts.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author commentwesley snow
Mon, 2012-11-19 11:00
Ah, you're good.
All true, but I refer to non poetic legends bandied about Gaul at the time of Caesar. They were not strictly written as Rondeaus, but rather little "sections" repeated. The name "Artur" has been abused in "song" (more or less) for a long time, but the forms we know didn't appear until around the 12th century in the various Chanson de Gestes of (by then) Gallic France. There is where our Welsh dudes come in as Gaelic England was peopled by migrating tribes from Gaul.
I repeat.
You are very good. I suspect you will be a source of great joy for me in the coming months. Not very many people usually know what I'm even talking about.
Also... Malory (I suspect, regardless of his claims), probably just collected every tale he had ever heard.
I will be heading toward your page again today. If you wrote an Arthur poem, I have to own it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
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