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In the heart of the struggle

Submitted by Lilly on Tue, 2023-10-31 05:44

In every struggle, there's a hidden strength,
A testament to our will, to go any length.
For it's not the change, but the hate, that makes us wise,
In the heart of the struggle, our true self lies.
But how do I know the right from wrong
reality changes and I don't feel as strong
People get older
The world getting colder
In the heart of the struggle,
Only the world seems to lie.

Who said this is a happy place?
Are they lost in a delusional space?
The world is a massive poker face,
Hate and hurt, they dominate,
A cycle of pain that we create,
A reality we often underestimate.

Over thinkers, Over drinkers, both lost in their own world,
One in thoughts, the other in swirls.
Over thinkers, Over drinkers,
Between reality and the world of dreams,
Their lives, a constant tug of war, it seems.
Workaholics, Narcissists, in their world they reign,
Chasing success, in every vein.
Workaholics, Narcissists, they wear a crown,
But beneath it, often hides a frown.
In the heart of the struggle
Nothing is the right way around.

Although there are some who care for everyone,
Their hearts, a lighthouse in the night,
A beacon of unwavering light.
In the mist of shadows, some will shine,
Their souls, a testament of time.
In the heart of the struggle
The light, a guide through the unknown,
A path to a love that's always shown.

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

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Last few words:

I used the advice of lavender by adding a little more happiness at the end; hopefully this is what you were thinking :)

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-10-31 11:50

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "In the heart of the struggle" explores the theme of struggle and the complexities of navigating through life's challenges. The use of contrasting ideas and vivid imagery helps to convey the message effectively. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be strengthened:

1. Structure and Flow: The poem could benefit from a more consistent structure and flow. Some lines feel disjointed and disrupt the overall rhythm. Consider revisiting the line breaks and punctuation to create a smoother reading experience.

2. Clarity of Ideas: While the poem touches on various aspects of struggle, some ideas could be further developed or clarified. For example, the line "For it's not the change, but the hate, that makes us wise" could be expanded upon to provide more context and depth.

3. Language and Imagery: The poem contains some powerful imagery, such as "The world is a massive poker face" and "A cycle of pain that we create." However, there are instances where the language

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Wed, 2023-11-01 12:02