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The Glory Cycle
The River And the Rivulet, the Flood Plain and The Lakes,
The Treasures found In Glory, that Nature ne'er Forsakes,
Those little Urchins that Hop and Fly others that Swim and Slide,
all working together and beside as to their life's Blood slow Subside,
Then once again the Heavens open and the " Burrowers " come out to play,
the "Wrigglers" Worms and Wiley old Water Rat, renew their Blissful Displays,
The Bullrushes and the Bull Tongue, the Lillies and the Sedge,
all Swaying and staying as close as they can to the safety of the Edge,
The Turtles feed and Frolic, The Bull Frogs Echo a Greeting,
The Carp, the Marin and Dragonfly's all-in harmony with their endless Eating
No Clock to Wind no Bells to Chime to call this assembly to task,
What you see today full Moon nor Quarter, this Beauty forever to last.
Review Request (Intensity):
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Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Last few words:
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-04-26 08:23
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "The Glory Cycle," demonstrates a strong sense of imagery and a keen eye for the natural world. The use of capitalization for certain words, such as "River," "Rivulet," "Flood Plain," "Lakes," and "Glory," among others, gives these elements a sense of importance and grandeur. However, the inconsistent use of this technique may confuse readers about its purpose. It would be beneficial to establish a clear rule for capitalization to enhance the poem's coherence.
The poem's rhythm and rhyme scheme are not consistently applied, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the first two lines rhyme ("Lakes" and "Forsakes"), but the following lines do not maintain this pattern. Establishing a consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme could enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging.
The poem's language is rich and evocative, painting a vivid picture of the natural world. However, some phrases, such as "to their life's Blood slow Subside" and "the " Burrowers " come out to play," may be unclear to readers. Clarifying these phrases could enhance the poem's overall accessibility and impact.
Lastly, the poem's theme of the cyclical, timeless nature of the natural world is compelling. However, this theme could be further developed and made more explicit to deepen the poem's resonance with readers. For example, the final line, "this Beauty forever to last," could be expanded upon to more fully explore the idea of nature's enduring beauty.
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MermaidMaster
Fri, 2024-04-26 10:00
hi Izzy!
What a delightful poem! Your rhymes are phenomenal and reading this felt so musical!
my favorite lines are:
No Clock to Wind no Bells to Chime to call this assembly to task,
What you see today full Moon nor Quarter, this Beauty forever to last.
Thank you so much for sharing! I loved reading this :)
best,
MM
<3
MermaidMaster
Fri, 2024-04-26 10:01
hi Izzy!
What a delightful poem! Your rhymes are phenomenal and reading this felt so musical!
my favorite lines are:
No Clock to Wind no Bells to Chime to call this assembly to task,
What you see today full Moon nor Quarter, this Beauty forever to last.
Thank you so much for sharing! I loved reading this :)
best,
MM
<3
Izzi Reinier
Sat, 2024-04-27 20:56
Mermaid Master
Thank you so very much for your most kind words of encouragement and am truly humbled .
I am 70 years of age and have written as the mood carries for much of my adult life .
So much material but have never truly found a reason or circumstance to share.
I Have Such Sincere Gratitude to the acceptance within your group .
Kindest Regards
Izzi
author commentAlex Tanner
Fri, 2024-04-26 14:24
Hi Izzi
I really enjoyed the theme of this but not so sure of the execution. I would have liked it much tighter. When I first started on here one of the first pieces of advice I was given was to be sparing with certain words; in particular "the". As an example, if I may, the 5th Verse.
"Turtles feed and frolic, Bull Frogs echo greetings,
Carp, Marin, Dragonflies, harmonize their endless eating".
I think this tightens it without losing any of the effect you are aiming for. Alex
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2024-04-29 12:22
Top notch critique there,
Top notch critique there, Alex!
Obi.
Izzi Reinier
Sat, 2024-04-27 20:48
Hi Alex
Thank you so much Alex .
I Treasure your Interpretive Sense of the piece and advice and wish you were in "My Corner" before I push "Submit"..., I really appreciate the opportunity to learn and grow , this is such a rewarding Site .
Kindest Regards
Izzi
author commentObadiah Grey
Mon, 2024-04-29 12:29
So many wonderful phrases,
So many wonderful phrases,
I think you're gonna be a giant!
I look forward to more.
Obi.
Izzi Reinier
Tue, 2024-04-30 03:57
Hi again Obi
And thank you from the bottom of my heart .
Am so enjoying the goodwill and fellowship of this group
but the honesty is, I simply enjoy creating words that become
images in the mind and see myself as a very small fish in a very
talented ocean of Writers .....and so very happy and grateful to be just that....
Kindest Regards Obi
Izzi
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