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The gift of pain

Submitted by Simon1985 on Thu, 2024-03-21 13:36

They say wisdom is the gift of pain,
The lesson learned from what has been lost or gained.
The knowledge of the path that's a person once lead.
The thoughts engraved like a chisel to stone. Laying deep within our head.

My knowledge, experience my wisdom was once for told,
He knew before it did, But I felt it through my body right down to the tips of my toes.
Like a surge of electricity the thought came to me. "Don't travel this journey"
But in my heart I needed to be free.

I felt I grew up in prison, with so many tales that are yet untold
I didn't be a man, I was treated like a child even when I grew old.
But I think my father knew my truth before it happened to me.
I was destined to make mistakes because desperation made me need to feel free.

Freedom is word that many use but don't comprehend.
It's used in vain, with hate, with rules that many like to bend,
So lost in the music of life and fake gifts, little did that I know karma would have such twists

Left with my experience and understanding now what I gained
I learnt to appreciate that wisdom is only won by those who deserve their pain.
But alas this is not about pity or redemption for me, this is about truth
and to rejoice how that honesty can set you free.
So I acknowledge my failure and i am proud to admit
that if I had only trusted my instinct my future I would never have to forfeit

So go on, carry I truly hope you achieve what your all here to do, but trust me when I say, if the quick route you take your dreams may never come.
But to finish the verse with good smiles and intent, never forget your dreams because when there gone it's easy to see where they went.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Thu, 2024-03-21 19:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Gift of Pain" presents a narrative of personal growth and the acquisition of wisdom through hardship. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "thoughts engraved like a chisel to stone" and "like a surge of electricity," effectively convey the intense and profound nature of the speaker's experiences.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow and make the poem more difficult to read.

The poem also contains several complex ideas, such as the concept of freedom and the role of karma. While these are interesting topics, they could be explored in more depth to provide a more nuanced understanding. As it stands, these concepts are mentioned briefly and then abandoned, which can leave the reader feeling unsatisfied.

The final stanza introduces the idea of following one's dreams, which seems somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. This concept could be integrated more smoothly into the overall narrative, or it could be removed if it doesn't contribute to the main theme.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more careful proofreading. There are several typographical errors, such as "that's a person once lead" and "I didn't be a man," which can distract from the overall message.

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