Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Gift of Carrying On
I wish I could tell you
Everything will open up
Like a present
Under the Christmas tree.
Honestly, it takes gallons
Of strength just to make
It through a single day.
The conversations
With myself would
Make you want to
Listen to static
On the radio.
They say I am brave,
But I need binoculars
To find that person
The one who is my imposter.
No, my life is not
A floor filled with thumbtacks,
But more like a puzzle
Missing the last piece.
Surrender, you say?
I would rather
Walk into
A dark forest,
Knowing
I might not
See the sunrise.
It might not be
Christmas morning,
But still, it is a gift
To see what road
Waits for me today.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-08-31 23:10
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Gift of Carrying On," presents a vivid exploration of resilience and self-perception. The use of metaphors and similes, such as "Like a present / Under the Christmas tree" and "A floor filled with thumbtacks," adds depth to the narrative and helps to convey the speaker's emotional state.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of imagery. The metaphors sometimes seem disjointed, moving from Christmas presents to radios, binoculars, puzzles, and forests. While each image is powerful in its own right, their combination can be somewhat disorienting for the reader. A more focused use of imagery could help to create a stronger, more cohesive narrative.
The poem also explores the theme of self-perception, particularly in the lines "They say I am brave, / But I need binoculars / To find that person / The one who is my imposter." This is a compelling exploration of the speaker's sense of self, but the poem could delve deeper into this theme. Exploring why the speaker feels like an imposter, or how they reconcile their self-perception with others' perceptions of them, could add another layer of complexity to the poem.
The poem's structure is generally effective, with short lines and stanzas that create a sense of urgency and tension. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. This would help to create a more engaging reading experience and could enhance the emotional impact of the poem.
Finally, the poem's conclusion, "But still, it is a gift / To see what road / Waits for me today," is a powerful statement of resilience and hope. However, this sentiment could be developed further in the poem. Exploring what it means for the speaker to see each day as a "gift," despite their struggles, could provide a poignant and powerful conclusion to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Tue, 2024-09-03 23:14
Gift of Carrying On
Hello, Paul,
Another inspiring poem. Direct language throughout makes this such an interesting piece - like an internal conversation.
Thank you!
L