Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Finale Me
what bucket must I carry?
to properly contain
all those caring
for my soul?
a soul I am assured
is nothing more
than metaphor
this practice
of asking me
what I believe
only to seek
a strategy of approach
to poke holes
In what others subscribe to
or choose not to devote to
is rather contrived
hold on a minute
does that negate my eternity?
Indeed!
in the Here and Now
I am ready to die
when that moment comes
rest assured I accept Nothing
but DMT
will show me otherwise
so kindly leave me die
without casting my
Final Hallucination
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
William Saint George
Fri, 2012-02-03 17:37
Nice poem. It's quite amazing
Nice poem. It's quite amazing how I was able to go through this piece without needing the few missing periods here and there. Looks a lot like religious freedom you're speaking of, in this poem. I wish you could further explain the "negation of eternity", so I get it better.
I thought this section (quoted)
"so kindly leave me die
without casting my
Final Hallucination"
will read better, like this:
"so kindly let me die
without casting my
final hallucination".
The capitalization of the "Final Hallucination" suggests something proper (as against "common"). It also brings an odd twist to the poem's ending; is that belief, the thing others subscribe to just another hallucination?
The poem's subject is great, and the writing is delightful. Looking forward for more from you!
Almost forgot. About the title. It doesn't sound too right, to me. Probably if you could explain it, that may help, but I didn't really see it fit with the poem.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
IKnowNoBox
Sat, 2012-02-04 11:22
Thank you for reading my poam,
I'll take all that into thought as I develop this write. By negating my eternity I am avowing my atheist "gamble", The poem is more anti conversion, then freedom of religion. sort of freedom from religion.
In ink,
David
author commentIKnowNoBox
Sat, 2012-02-04 11:26
The title
Finale Me could read Me Finale the biggest package at a fireworks display is called a Finale, and when I died what I saw was a Finale that could have been had I not pulled back.
author commentWilliam Saint George
Sat, 2012-02-04 15:05
That explanation solves it.
That explanation solves it. Now that I get it (I honestly didn't know it was called a "Finale"), it makes sense, and looks better.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2012-02-05 11:21
I'm surprised there was so little psychedelic
in this, I looked up DMT, at first I thought it was ending in DIY!!
I enjoyed the oddity of this poem, it left me puzzled.
More a prose poem than a poem I feel.
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.