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Destiny
her smile,
her eyes
inviting.
her words,
even hello,
exciting.
but i can see the scars
beneath those clothes,
sense the cuts
bleeding out her soul.
beautiful girl,
why must you live
to die this way?
who cut you
to the point where
you are happy in this place?
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2014-03-15 03:38
hello Scott
I like this as is though I thought you can unfurl a little before rushing to the last line. I see you are tending to darkness lately and still think you need to capitalize after the full stop.
only thoughts you know.
thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
eightmenout
Sat, 2014-03-15 04:02
Hey Rula
to me, there is always a rush to natural beauty, especially that urgency when the protective instincts want to kick in.
I am in a dark place. always have been. Just letting it out more as it is what lives inside. But to me this and others I post are not that dark. There is a lot I withhold because of subject matter and the unease that comes with it.
I did not capitalize in this one because I wanted to maintain a more demure tone throughout.
Thank you for taking the time. Hope you are well.
Scott
Scott
author commentRula
Sat, 2014-03-15 04:38
I believe
Darkness IS, like many things, relative. What you may consider less dark to me it is too dark, do you agree?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
eightmenout
Sat, 2014-03-15 06:22
I do agree
all is relative. The only response I can make is that I am here to become a better writer and I hope by selective process that people can overlook some of the content and offer help in the way of reaching that goal. I wish it weren't this way, but that's what comes out. It is unfortunate because most of the writing that I do not share is perhaps some of the most imaginative, flowing and provocative work I create.
That being said, you can catch a rare glimpse of some lighter work here, albeit in comment to another poet:
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/g-n-r-l-i-n-g-g-s-h
http://www.neopoet.com/esker/blog/tue-2014-03-04-0315
Again, thank you for always taking the time. I do appreciate it.
Scott
Scott
author commentemeka ozurumba
Sat, 2014-03-15 13:21
cut wrists
pour poor her eyes
glitter like chitin ivory
droop for me flamingo
loop bent over the orangery
she to solitude invites
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-03-18 21:04
creasing and folding the pain
creasing and folding the pain
laying it neatly in the drawer
bandages worn like bracelets
spotted with adoration
accenting her eyes
which look beyond
far beyond
I want for a glimpse
but would never have the fear
to unwrap the wounds
from her spirit
embody them
as they should be
an angel at war
with herself
Scott
author commentalidzain
Wed, 2014-05-14 09:42
Hello Scott
This piece reminds me of a schoolfriend. She used to cut herself because she can't handle the stress of a broken family. It's been a long time since I have received any news of her. Wherever she is, I hoped that she is well. It is sad that things like this happens. The dark is a part of us as well but we must never let it consume us.
I like dark poetry to a certain extend in the sense that it is different. I invite you to check out my poem "Vampire's Night".
Alid
eightmenout
Wed, 2014-05-14 15:47
Alid
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. I appreciate it. I will do my best to find time to read your suggestion
Scott
Scott
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