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Dangling on the pavement

Submitted by vandiemenspeak on Sun, 2016-05-01 04:39

Let the hope drive you forward
that she may one day see you
dangling there on the pavement
an ice-cream in each hand
your semi frozen gifts melting
in anticipation.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Let's call it a short western meditation on unrequited love. I think everyone can relate to that feeling. This came from a memory of Scarborough, a misread sign, and being stood up. One for all the jilted nerds of the world!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Mon, 2016-08-15 23:25

Esker's picture

They come and go
comely..plain janes
and exotic beauty..
We keep going
knowing
there will always
be the new
anewed
arriving

....

judyanne

Sat, 2016-08-20 23:18

judyanne's picture
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I shouldn't laugh I suppose, but the vision I get with my read of this makes me smile...

I guess you will probably say that I am as unkind as that lady in your past...

Really well written Chris.... short and clever....
love the image of someone 'dangling on the pavement' ... great usage of 'dangling'

Reminds me of past days of my own youth - lol - I did a lot of 'dangling' back then
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

vandiemenspeak

Wed, 2016-08-24 06:10

vandiemenspeak's picture
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Yes, it was intended as an ironic and humorous little scene, of the awkwardness and nervous sense felt when you're there, she's not there (and obviously not coming:/ ) and you've been left "dangling" - one day I'll get over it ;) - thanks for stopping by.

Take care

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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