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couch potato (rhyme crimes exercise 4)
I could go get the pencil but
it really seems I've hit a rut
and kegs of ale I want to quaff
to stop the world, and then get off
I sit here on my lounge-room chair
and think on things like life and stuff
and hope in vain I'll be inspired
one day to wake up just enough
to write words of my own wisdom
if only I could think of some
but it is hard, one cannot bluff
and I am just too doggone tired
'cause sometimes it is just too tough
to think up clever things to share
so here I slop in my jammies
the zombie movie on TV
relaxes me, I'm quite at home
relating to its dead-head zone
.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Rula
Fri, 2012-07-27 04:41
This is indeed light
but with a 'distinguished' rhyme scheme .I loved how you did the first couplets and then you did the reversed rhyming abcd , dcba . This sure can't be done by someone who isn't inspired or by a "couch potato." :) very much enjoyed .
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judyanne
Thu, 2012-08-02 00:49
thank you rula
just a bit of fun to finish off the workshop
i'm glad you like it
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Fri, 2012-07-27 07:41
Hi Judy
Only you would manage to get watching zombie movies on TV into a poem lol. Unless I misread and the show was a political debate lmao.....................stan
judyanne
Thu, 2012-08-02 00:50
lol stan
hadn't thought of pollies - i might have had even more fun building on that theme...
thanks for the read and comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Mon, 2012-08-06 03:34
oh that first verse hit home
and is the death of many a poet.
Well I reckon you nailed exercise 4 in despair. There are things to crit, but I think you would rather I saved it for something that meant more to you.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Mon, 2012-08-06 12:34
thanks jess
and yes - not worth bothering with, just a bit of fun to finish the shop with
love judy xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)