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The canto with the song.

Canto One ~ High above the encampment of Illian, near the inaccessible waterfalls men call The Psalms, Claire sings a last lament for her beloved grandfather lost in war. Her white robe and long hair struggle to reach him so far away, but Claire can only ponder the funeral pyre’s smoke so many miles away.

Canto One

She’s an image sleek of black and white.
A zephyr hurries east in flight
to bear a vanquished soul to rest.
Her silken robe would fain protest.

The swelling fabric left behind 5
as are the threads of locks entwined.

They cling to her and point the way
to bier smoke at break of day.
So far remote, as lace upon
the soft horizon of the dawn. 10

Its requiem is seeking God.

The passenger shall no more trod
these wide lands of the River Sea.
Deliverance, his spirit free,
Tur~C’arcontine, High King, is done. 15

Alone before the rising sun,
on cold, bare rock high in the mounts
from Laura west and nigh the founts
of waterfall men call The Psalms,
the Princess raises voice and palms 20
in lonely, final, sore farewell.

Her high lament appeals to quell
the desperate longing in her heart,
but has no solace to impart:

“I never saw you cry, 25
though often heard you sigh
above my bed,
you were instead
my first encircling sky,
but that was yesterday and now you’re gone. 30

Your laughter was to me
a song to oversee
awakening,
I heard you sing
and blossomed into me, 35
but that was yesterday and now you’re gone.
But that was yesterday and I’m alone.

I never stopped to think just what you meant to me ‘til now.
It seemed it all would last, but then you’re gone from me somehow.
And yet you’re not, 40
for in my heart
you’re singing to me now.

Remember yesterday when I was young?
It still is yesterday, my laughter’s sung.”

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is mostly for Chrys and Stan. Does the "song" make a little better sense now? Or is the canto just too weird?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Beautifully written and as usual, your stories dwell in a land long forgotten.
Good to walk with the old ways now and then, I tend to love the old ways and the excitement of people that live on their wits, we could do with more.
Yours, Ian..
I see there have been 22 views of this page yet NO comments now you know why I ask for the counter to be reinstated..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

22?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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See I even read the side bits LOL
Take care young horse whisperer,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

The imagery and lexis matched the rhyme. The story unfolded at the right pace. Elegant write and inspiring.
Thank you Wes...I really need to get my game on!
Ellie :)

It's actually the first canto in book two of a very long poem.
Thank you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

i admire the indeptedness and see the reason for such philosophies, but that does not mean i totally agree to the use of psalm for mere obsequiosness to the divination of pedagogies humans are unfree from,

This poem comes from an extremely larger poem, so some things in it cannot be understood unless you have read the larger poem. For instance you can't know of the relationship between the young lady and the dead king she sings to.
"The Psalms" is what the common men of the region called the waterfall near Claire on the mountain because of the beauty of its song.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I have nothing to offer
beautiful meter, great descriptive
and i adore her song

But i dont want to talk to you anymore - i want to go up there and read it again...

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

and so tender!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Sometimes I'm not sure who writes this stuff, but I also thought this was descriptive and tender. It's in my favorite canto list.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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