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A Blue bonneted Bandicoot
A blue bonneted bandicoot with a sea calf
(amortized in blank verse)
scuttles amongst major malapropisms,
An object lesson of despair for students of the Classics.
In the Month of Hershwan in a study far from that place,
A Hebrew scholar paints calligraphy on a cloisonne
Clock. He expatiates Wallhalla – a Last Supper for his spectacle.
Adored by femme fatale (and others) for its chanced rarity,
They hunt for the preciosa, unbeknown that the bells are tolling.
His doodles roil them, they are no comic strips in this Anthropogenic Age
Of Solipsisms and Absurdities.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I've been working hard at developing a new style of poetry writing - for me. More playful, more absurdist than in the past.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-09-26 07:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem presents an intriguing blend of imagery, language, and themes. However, it could benefit from a more consistent narrative or thematic thread to guide the reader through its various elements.
The first stanza introduces a bandicoot and a sea calf, which are unique and engaging choices for subjects. However, the connection between these animals and the "object lesson of despair for students of the Classics" is not immediately clear. If the intention is to create a sense of disorientation or absurdity, this could be more effectively achieved with more contextual clues or a clearer thematic link.
The second stanza shifts to a Hebrew scholar painting calligraphy, which is an interesting image but seems disconnected from the first stanza. The use of the term "Wallhalla" could be a misspelling of "Valhalla", a concept from Norse mythology, or it could be an intentional choice. If it's the latter, the meaning or significance of this term could be clarified.
The final stanza introduces a "femme fatale" and a hunt for "preciosa". This adds a sense of intrigue and tension, but again, it's not clear how this connects to the previous stanzas. The final line's reference to an "Anthropogenic Age Of Solipsisms and Absurdities" suggests a critique of modern society, but this theme could be developed more throughout the poem.
In terms of language, the poem uses a rich and varied vocabulary. However, some phrases, such as "amortized in blank verse" and "expatiates Wallhalla", are somewhat opaque in their meaning. The poem could benefit from more precise and accessible language to convey its themes and images.
Overall, the poem has a lot of potential and interesting elements, but could benefit from a clearer narrative or thematic thread, more consistent imagery, and more precise language.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Tue, 2023-09-26 12:58
A Blue Bonneted Bandicoot
Hello, Stuart,
I went google-ing quite a lot with this. Learned quite a lot, too. I am lost, however, if there is an underlining theme. Yes, it's imagery is playful and wonderfully absurd, but I can't help but sense there is a more serious connection between the lines. I look forward to your response.
Thank you!
Lavender
StuartKing
Mon, 2023-10-09 19:52
Reply to Lavender
Thanks for your comment.
This was an exercise in using random, absurd methods to construct a poem. I took an earlier poem of mine (not a particularly good one) and substituted every noun, verb and adjective with a randomly chosen word of the same part of speech. The result was a somewhat disjointed poem lacking coherence - hence your comment regarding "underlining theme".
After doing the random replacements, I did do some work on improving coherence - but, obviously - not enough.
I'll go back to work on the poem to improve it.
The AI critique which was generated was especially potent. It did a wonderful job. Impressive.
Thanks
author commentLavender
Mon, 2023-10-09 20:12
Very interesting!
Unique concept! I'll be back to see any changes you may make.
Thank you!
L