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the bequest (to my grandson)
.
a wondrous favour bestowed on me
a gem that shone in life's waters
Heaven, for her own reasons
on a sorrow-filled day
took my gift away
but not before
he'd found love
and made
you
.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
nonet.....
a poem of nine lines, the first line has nine syllables, the next eight, then seven, six and so on to one.....
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Fri, 2015-03-13 12:21
Judyanne
simple and beautiful expression ..
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-13 20:16
Raj
Thank you very much for the read and kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-14 08:42
A lovely tribute Judy
It's been long since I wrote a nonet.
This is nice. He must be happy to receive such a tender gift
But not sure about the syllable count in the first line. I thought they are ten where they should be nine?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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judyanne
Sat, 2015-03-14 08:47
Hi Rula
i count it :
a won -drous fav -our be -stowed on me
how do you?
thannks for the kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-14 08:55
I thought it is [wuhn-druh s]
I thought it is [wuhn-druh s]
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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judyanne
Sat, 2015-03-14 09:07
yes
that dipthong thing again - i'm taking it that, as it is only counts as a third of a beat, it's not countable as a full syllable - I think we can play with that a bit ... it seems at the end of a sentence I want to drag the sound of dipthong-ending words out a bit - so could count it there - but I say them without needing another beat for the s or r or what ever the ending when they are within a sentence...it depends on how it sounds when we break the rules as to whether it is passable....
and i can sing 'wondrous' with two notes
thanks Rula
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-14 09:14
I think you are right
I just thought these forms are very sensitive when it comes to the syllable count.
Just thought I would mention it anyway.
We can avoid such deceiving words when it all depends on the syllable count, can't we?
What do you think dear?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-03-14 20:02
I'm tickled to see a "shape" poem, I've heard it called concrete
Haven't seen one in a while.
(not to be confused with "concrete" poetry)
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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judyanne
Sun, 2015-03-15 10:02
hi Wesley
thanks for the read and comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)