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The Beauty Of Pant-y-Llyn - English translation = Valley Of The Lake

Carmel, Carmel – how I love your dells and swells
your wild unkempt rambles and shambles.
How beautiful you are – when the sun ambles,
yawning a morning of glitter, bright, light
on the misty fresh crèche' of spring green
where new growth is seen – Bluebells and garlic
idle their waft, reeling a ceiling of pungent perfumes
and Ah! the blooms, the blooms!
Those glossy leafed bowers
and hawthorn flowers
dewy and gemmed
by warm summer showers.

Carmel, Carmel – how I love your nooks and crooks
your damp shady hollows and wallows
How amazing you are – When the day shadows
shafting a casting of motley draped shapes
on the crystal cool pools of reed beds
where the red fox treads – Horsetails and marsh sedge
rootle their stems, rustling and bustling 'til autumn cold chills
and the turlough refills.
Oh! that sepia lake
where hazel leaves shake
shimmering gold
on the blackish opaque.

Carmel, Carmel – how I love your glens and fens
your wide open places and spaces.
How impressive you are – when the wind braces
gusting a dusting of winter blown snow
on the quarry cracked backs of hewn cliffs
where the red kite drifts – Buzzards and kestrels
hover their haunts, perching and searching above the tree tops
Ah! those rocky outcrops
like cathedrals great halls
with clear water falls
gushing a rush
down the mossy stone walls.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Carmel - for over 200 hundred years was mined for limestone - when mining stopped it was turned into a country park, open to the public. Carmel is unique in having the only turlough in Britian. It is indeed a wonderful privilege to live so close to this wonderful, inspiring, historical, beautiful country park - which is a real joy to visit - especially in spring. A turlough or turlach is a unique type of disappearing, seasonal lake, many of which can be found in Ireland. Our very own turlough in Pant-y-Llyn fills to a depth of about 3m during late autumn and remains full until the following summer when it empties completely, thus reflecting the characteristic behaviour of turloughs.
Editing stage: 

Comments

lol. For some reason it springs another word to mind. "caramel" lol. Sorry, its not you, its me. I'm quite hungry while reading this but my legs are aching, so I'm massaging them whie I tracked down the undiscovered works here. You're right. This Is going to be hard to change. At least to me that is. Why don't you invite Jess, Ian and the other masters to offer feedbacks? I'm afraid I'm not of that standard to suggest anything good for this piece.

of late my friend mand
displayed nature in her poetry
while my mind is too empty
to paint words of such beauty
but when the time comes
my pen will dance again
to embrace nature in my words
and find my way again

Alid

I hope your legs aren't aching anymore and that you managed to get a good night's sleep! Thanks for your suggestion, I've messaged Wes to take a look! :) I like your little poem - not bad for speed writing I'd say!

Keep safe Alid

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

The truth is, I rarely have enough sleep at night. It started since I was young, taking on an architectural drafting course. I couldn't finish assignments in school so I bring them home to complete. Since then my sleeping time has gone haywire. I know it is not a good habit but try as I did, I just couldn't sleep unless I am very, ery tired. I used this habit to good use by looking after mum sometimes. She always wake up in the night, aching or wanting to go to the washroom. I took over from my sis and let her sleep while I care for mum. While she sleeps, I cruise in here, reading poems and sending some of my own.

Alid

:) Alid you are someone to be cherished! A great son, brother and poet! It's great to have you around! :) xxxx

Love to you and your family

Mand xxx

author comment

I can only be what God wants me to be so it all thanks to Him and my family who have taught me loyalty, love, honour, respect and endurance in the face of hardships. None of us is ever alone, We strengthen each other and brings out the best in us through years of patience and learning. What I am today is the result of their teachings, so all I'm doing now is in truth, just following their examples.

Alid

Mand, Mand you took me on a ride
around dells and swells,
through nooks and crooks,
amidst glens and fens,
which did not cost a pence

thank you for the experience and your thoughtful translation which also gave me a glimpse into a new style of poetry..

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sorry about the delay in reply! I hope you are o.k. Thanks for your lovely comment - it is always appreciated!

I will be away for the next 10 days or so. ( though I might be able to log in, depending on circumstances ). So I'll look forward to seeing you then!

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

Wherever you are headed, have a great time and may be catch some inspiration for your next post...

Much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

A teaching write of places I have missed and some I long to see.
Well written and the information is spot on, then finding those words, especially the turlough.
Amazing how local knowledge brings out a beauty of its own.
Enjoyed as this is a great write,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for your encouraging comment! I was worried it might need working on - fortunatley Wes says it's o.k! Phew!

As explained to Raj - I'm away for the next 10 days so I hope to see you all when I get back, unless I manage to log in on the odd occasion!

Keep safe :)

Love Mand xxxx

author comment
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