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the banks of Jordan (March contest)
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
the far side bank where water’s clear
where sands of self are washed of dun
to wipe the veil of life’s veneer
so worry not that I am lost
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
and by that river I have crossed
I’ll muse on what my soul has done
until your turn, when your tune’s run
and fate deems that we meet again
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
and we’ll embrace each other then
we never lose they we hold dear
so when it’s time for you to come
come calmly, gently, have no fear
I’ll be waiting by the Jordan
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
emeka ozurumba
Fri, 2015-03-06 05:14
very good poem
and by the rivers of Babylon... one can use the mirth very distinctively i love this, good job
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 08:23
thank you emeka
for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Fri, 2015-03-06 05:30
Judyanne
a very appealing conversational toned quatern, so good that anyone will try to follow you to the banks of Jordan, to ensure that you are safe there from the cross border violence.
Once again you are a strong contender for getting voted as the best. I see two more competitors have submitted their posts for the contest...Ian and Rula...so we now have three contestants so far ..yet to see theirs.
Best of luck for the contest...
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 08:29
thanks Raj
it is interesting to see your take on this write
you are not christian, are you?
I've just only realised that a lot of people who have not been brought up in that particular faith may not understand this...
Great - I will get a lot of interesting comments - maybe
I love your take on it
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
raj
Fri, 2015-03-06 13:38
Hi Judyanne
Apologies if my comments have hurt any Christian sentiments. I certainly did not intend to do that and i don't believe I ever would do that...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 20:31
Raj
You have made no comment that would hurt anyone - stop being so sensitive...
the theme is based on christian myth, that's all, and as you didn't understand it i realised that other's probably wouldn't either
i will pm you the explanation, as I'd like to see if i get any more interesting interpretations :)
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 23:28
and in my first comment
I did say I liked your take on the write
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Fri, 2015-03-06 14:31
Hi Ms. Corcoran
Follows the contest rules exactly.....The judge will be proud........stan
judyanne
Fri, 2015-03-06 17:43
now, that's better
Much more respectful Mr Holloway
thank you
love Ms Corcoran
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Sparrow
Sat, 2015-03-07 04:35
Judy
Loved this one a little on the religious side, but most accept all religious writes.
I am not sure about the word "Dun"
where sands of self are washed of dun
I know it is a sort of Brown colour but maybe I lost the context of it in this piece.
I could say replace but what with "Sin " maybe but the rhyme would be loose.
We will think about it ???
Take care out there, Yours, Ian.x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
judyanne
Sat, 2015-03-07 07:45
dun
1. dull, grayish brown.
2. dark; gloomy.
I think it fits Ian
'sin' centres it into a religious write -
and I'm not pushing any religion, I am more just using the Jordan for the mythology of it
thanks very much for the read and crit
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sat, 2015-03-07 07:12
hello Judy
I loved this (nothing new:) as I love all your works)
I also feel close to this but maybe in a different way than that you do as a Christian, but I think you wanted "Jordan" not "Jordon" unless I am missing something.
Did you know that I am from Jordan? In fact I am from Palestine, but both Palestine and Jordan is one land where River of Jordan crosses.
Sorry if I carried on, but I really like this one
All the best wishes dear.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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judyanne
Sat, 2015-03-07 07:34
lol - the error had to be
in the title AND the repeating line...
thanks Rula, for pointing that nit out
and thank you for the lovely comment
I am very glad that you like this
and, yes, I was aware that you are from Palestine
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-03-07 16:38
Dun.
We call dark grey buckskins "duns".
I loved this. A love poem. It is soft and precious from a couple of directions. And wouldn't you know Rula would find the misspelling. I overlooked it glaring me in the face. Some proofreader.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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judyanne
Sun, 2015-03-08 05:22
Wes
Thank you. I'm glad you liked this
lol, yes - the glaring errors seem to be the ones that are most often overlooked
thanks to Rula, I only looked stupid for a day :)
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
alidzain
Sun, 2015-03-29 19:54
Judy
A wonderful piece and I learn abit about the Christian myth. Thanks for sharing.
Alid
judyanne
Tue, 2015-03-31 22:26
thank you Alid
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)