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Awakening
Summer
soon turns
into winter's dream
Gentle
breeze kisses
dewy petals
Hot breath
awakens
frozen desires
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2018-02-20 02:41
What can I say
A typical "sublime ocean" poem.
Wow!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
raj
Tue, 2018-02-20 04:12
Thanks Rula for taking the
Thanks Rula for taking the time to read and for your good words....i keep trying to improve..
Regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Tue, 2018-02-20 09:08
Nice one.
Nice one.
Not my favorite though.
The reason is very subjective.
Overused poetic words have to be used only if there is no way around it.
Look at the second stanza five words and each of them bleached by exposure in thousands songs and poems.
IRiz
raj
Tue, 2018-02-20 13:13
Thanks IRiz for your comment.
Thanks IRiz for your comment. Noted reasons for it. Will keep that in mind while i write more...
Thanks again....
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Tue, 2018-02-20 14:53
I am always looking forward
I am always looking forward to hear from you.
Rereading some of you poems, I enjoy them immensly.
IRiz
raj
Tue, 2018-02-20 15:01
I am giving you the license
I am giving you the license to hit me at every misstep that's how i will keep improving on my learning curve... a good friend is also a good critique...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment