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The Ana (Creation Story)

For Nothing is aught else but cold
and Nothing thrice is nothing more.
Chief requisite that aught is told
in epopee, archival lore
needst something wrought of nothing come to be.

Eternity does not begin.
Time renders never back its flow.
The Flame will have not origin.
Ablaze thru All and Aye, ergo
‘tis paradox the Will that would be Free.

Adum

Ere issued forth the fulgent voice
all lay aphotic, null of sound.
The Infinite Creation’s choice
was culled in void complete, unbound
and formed itself of what had been before. 5

The sum of All, hence All was one,
no second aspect could exist.
The instant Now had been first spun
pit past and future’s catalyst
at odds to thus deny a moment more. 10

the essence had no memory
as this infers a changing time.
Immense past linearity,
it was and is and will be prime.
As first is last, The Essence was alone. 15

Encompassed in its whole was all.
Its own creation augured ends.
What had been made it not recall.
Since nothing to itself augends,
small fragments loosed it willed remain unknown. 20

Omniscient, it knew not it was
and sapient, not what it is.
Subsuming each, each fragment draws
distinctions none of consciousness.
To seek itself, it bid the shards unite. 25

And of itself He adumbrie
a being as Himself at first.
Yet shadow is but imagery.
Though what drove Him was wonder’s thirst,
the coalescent shards He loosed were slight. 30

Sans language, form, intrinsic thought
the Ens ensample Ego’s whole.
To separate what He had wrought
He made for image first a soul.
Sans language, form, intrinsic thought ~ it praised. 35

No independent state beyond
the nascent had the soul Extrorse,
but now He sought to sever bond
and willed the soul be free of source~
for only thus past image soul be raised. 40

Diminutive and somehow crude,
it yet first melancholy slake.
Joss gloried in first born of brood.
Therefore it was the first He spake
was for the image soul and gave its name. 45

“Samwiel.” He said and so it pass
in radiance no longer void.
His first creation had no mass~
‘twas spirit and thin hyaloid,
but bright within He saw at last His Flame. 50

Thus Morning Dawned, though Time did not.
As first deistic instant passed
the primal Essence could allot
for self no first of self or last,
but ere all else, He marked His Angel’s start. 55

In Now The Essence pondered long
or so it seemed it was to Him.
For Now still rang of His first song
and played at once ne’er growing dim
as in Samwiel a new thing stirred apart. 60

Impossibly, He grew perplexed.
All known to Him yet, still He yearned.
As past was Now and Now is next
He is and therefore All discerned,
but Self He feared that He shall never know. 65

That should Samwiel be made He grant
a multitude of His own mind.
Though of His whole they were but scant,
the fragments, He was pleased to find,
devised a boundless spirit that should grow. 70

That multitude anew revealed
an accent that at first was not.
But when ‘twas joined its place was sealed
as one throughout the polyglot
and thus no longer had it never been. 75

Therefore that which Samwiel had framed,
though true a force in Him unchanged,
was unforeseen and yet unnamed.
Composed by Him then rearranged,
its birth allowed epiphany begin. 80

For though The Essence now exist
and seemingly He always had,
no sense of what He may consist
revealed itself to Him unclad.
He sought to know precisely what He is. 85

Before Samwiel no darkness shone,
for no mere absence ‘tis of light.
As poles of scale, not each alone,
must light and dark, offset, unite.
A shadow glows opposing lights of his. 90

“Of Me Samwiel art thou restrict,
for nothing else may be but I.
Or so ‘twas thought ere thoughts conflict
as now a thing anew is scry.
As you are first, reflect and first affirm.” 95

He wait upon Samwiel’s first thought,
though clear apprised before he spoke
of nature raw The Essence sought.
Not made by any single stroke~
while unforeseen emotion was its germ. 100

“Of you Creator I am formed.”
And so Samwiel had found his voice.
“Thus all I am your Flame has warmed.”
With contemplation none nor choice,
Samwiel present the Birth of Love in praise. 105

The Morning Star arose before
horizons of the firmament.
Ere Dawn was cast, his Star Flame wore
a mantle without discontent,
but when supplant was viewed afar thru haze. 110

Devotion from Samwiel acute
He now desired ever please.
But ere coercion it dilute
The Essence gave the soul its ease
and grant Samwiel Freewill with which to choose. 115

‘Twas here first strained Love’s pristine tie
and as Joss willed they neither knew.
Although Will’s freedom He’d imply,
Samwiel was blind yet to his due
and turned no thought to how he may refuse. 120

Samwiel began of all preempt.
There yet exist the like of him.
His Architect he felt exempt,
for thru each peak and interim
Samwiel was not with Him, but dwelt within. 125

Dawn’s star therefore cast Love alone.
When come the instant Time is shaped
‘tis he who will those passions hone,
but ere Time’s binding curtain draped,
he knew no envy that could mold to Sin. 130

On having deemed how Love was made,
he earnest strove in nil expanse
to bring forth an unguessed cascade
and so desire drove its lance
that ever more Dawn’s Star shall lust anew. 135

“From you all things,” Samwiel had said
“shall issue forth as I the first.”
And as he spoke he had been led
to that unseen he made. A thirst.
The Question asked that Love still answers true. 140

In void with each, they each explore.
Samwiel to find what part of Joss
informed his being at its core
and He who made him with His loss
relinquished learn what He had first create. 145

“Let there be more.” Joss had decree.
“The peerless Sun shines not alone.
The next of many you shall be
that I may learn more than is known.”
When Mic~lak~lor was made, Samwiel learned Hate. 150

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Çaço, Man of the Morning Star, is a piece designed to be written in four parts. The first part, entitled "Harsh" is what I have posted here and elsewhere and is incomplete. Part two, entitled "Cold" will be a story told in two sections running concurrently. The second of the two pieces are the adventures of Gundhag, the witch in her search for her ancient people and the attempts to protect the child that is The Man of the Morning Star that He may be destroyed utterly at the appropriate time. The first is the history of the lands of Lurien. Each story will inform the other as they are told. This then is the beginning of "Cold" in the deeps of time beginning with the creation of The Essence. "Ana" is a middle English term meaning an anecdotal tale. I expect very little response to this, but as I've made my home here at NeoPoet I desire all my rough work to be presented in the hope someone will find a moment or two to tell me how I might improve this. "The Ana" is told in four parts of which "Adum" is first. They are at this writing complete, though as with everything I write... unfinished. Thank you. wesley
Editing stage: 

Comments

A difficult birth, to say the least. An engrossing read, to be sure. Why the capitals for words such as :

Thus Morning Dawned

and

{For Now} still rang of His first song

This is my first read through. I will make a return visit to reread. btw, thanks for all the information in the "last few words" section

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

You are surely giving me a run for my money and improving my vocabularly. And I thank you for it. Now... Is there anything you can do with my atrocius spelling? Lol!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

but I obsessively use my spell check (which is woefully inadequate, it doesn't seem to have heard of half the words I use) and I'm into my desk dictionary every time I come across a new word... even when I'm reading.
Cat, thanks for reading this. It's the most complicated thing I've ever written (all four parts), but I wanted to give it the "feel" of scripture. When the actual story begins after The Ana it will loosen up.
I capitalized many of those words because at this point in history many of those words I envision as being almost tangible entities. For example... "Now". It was the first Now, the only Now, a created Now.
In the case of "Morning", at this moment that is Samweil (Lucifer) himself. The first Star of Morning.
It's a little pretentious, but that's what I looking for.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

and will very soon read it on paper to appreciate it fully.

You have often confessed that your shorter experiments are purely to improve your craft and I think this is one of them.

You are a masterful story teller but your shorter works don't bother with real meaning and emotive force.

I would like to see you really try to make your experiments real poetry. Including such precepts as "ruthless elimination of the inessential" and a sparsity of words carefully constructed to achieve a maximum emotive content.

You have then personal sensitivity, insight and skill to write short poems. I would love to see some real ones.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

... I utterly agree with you. The power and intensity of my personality (such as it is) comes through in the larger piece as I deal with such disparate concepts as motherhood (a central tenet), taking life, spirituality, God and His various interpretations... and on. In the smaller poems I display nothing more than precision. I am a mediocre poet at best. This does not trouble me overmuch as I know that I am a marvelous storyteller and that is what I have always wanted to do.
Your discussion of "brevity" was explained to me by one of my first "poetry" teachers (a woman who had taught technical writing at Cal State, not creative). Her phrase that I still cling to was... "not everything needs to be said." That's tough for me, but it's the reason my big poem is ONLY 20,000 lines right now.
I would very much like to write a poem that relied on my language to generate the emotion and not a situational scenario of characters. I'm not convinced it's in me, but those are my thoughts.
Thanks for letting me hang out.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

I came to read again and soak it in.

I really liked these lines:

“Of you Creator I am formed.”
And so Samwiel had found his voice.
“Thus all I am your Flame has warmed.”
With contemplation none nor choice,
Samwiel present the Dawn of Love in praise. 105

The Morning Star arose before
horizons of the firmament.
Ere Dawn was cast, his Star Flame wore
a mantle without discontent,
but when supplant was viewed afar thru haze.

Thanks, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

that you seem to have understood the pretentious thing.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

To start with

* I know I am not qualified enough neither linguistically nor religiously to judge any of the details in this piece. I assume that you've written this according to the Bible. At the same time, I have never read the full story according to the Holy Quran and as a result I find my self unable to judge any details concerning religion. Hope you understand.

** Did you know that "Ana"[anu] is a word in Arabic means 'I' ?Just thought may be you'd like to know-if you don't already :)

** the essence had no memory….line 11

Is that a puncutuational Twist?

I am sure it is intended not to be capitalized (may be as it is not still fully formed?(and always according to your story.

***Adumbrie line 26 couldn't find the word so I assume it is archic because I am sure it is not mis-spelled.

****And of itself He adumbrie a being as Himself at first.

I am not sure what 'Itself' here refers back to.

***** When Mic~lak~lor was made, Samwiel learned Hate. 150

Mic~lak~lor

Anything to be said will never give your masterpieces their justice

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

First off, it is NOT based on any religious book. Of course it draws deeply from Judaic/Christian/Muslim tradition, but it is my own creation. You cannot predict what will happen based on other, older writings. For instance, you did not notice in the very beginning that I made perfectly clear God is not first.

The Infinite Creation’s choice
was culled in void complete, unbound
and formed itself of what had been before. 5

Read it carefully.

I love your Arabic translation. In Old English, an "ana" is "an anecdotal collection of tales and memories".

"essence" is a twist. Note at the end of the stanza it is capitalized. It is a cute way of saying He had "come of age" and awareness. God's perspective of Himself is critical to the entire story. It is NOT a traditional perspective.

"Adumbrie" is an abuse of the pronunciation, but the root word is "adumbrate"- to make of itself a shadow. An image.

"itself" is hard. It refers to "The Essence", but is not capitalized. The reason is this: as I went through this writing it the first time, every other word wanted to be capitalized. It made a mess, so I went minimalist. This might call for an exception. However, before you mention it, yes The Essence is an "it". God is All Things and therefore genderless.

To make it easy... Mic~lak~lor is the Arch Angel Michael.

Don't shy away from me because you think you are not "educated", "enlightened", "artistic" or anything else that's silly. You know in your heart and your head that you are a marvelously creative individual or you would not be making the poetic attempt. I need you.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

Right to the second part.

P.S. Joss? I couldn't find a clear reference to him.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

"For instance, you did not notice in the very beginning that I made perfectly clear God is not first."  

I noticed that indeed and this in particular confused me though I am not sure what you mean by God is not first but if it what I understood , it is altogether against my beliefs.

 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

... the piece is not based on "beliefs". It is a work of fiction only and at the very most would make the reader think strange things. Don't sweat it.

Joss is just plain fun. I needed another name for God (I prefer to use pseudonyms instead of traditional terms in "a work of fiction"), but didn't want to just make one up like the other names.

Are you ready for this?
You need to be smiling.

"A Joss" is a Chinese house idol worshiped for luck. Get this though... they are almost always paper. They are still mass produced in China to this day. A neat little drawing is printed on the paper (some of the better ones are works of art, but most are quite simple... the style is not what's important) and then it is mounted (often just glued) on the wall of the room it is there to protect.

Poets write on paper. Cheap paper drawings are insignificant. I call this irony.

Remember- "a work of fiction". Meaningless beyond the simple emotions it may engender.

As for "The Infinite Creation"... I will probably never explain that one. I have too much story as it is.

wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Well I rarely comment on these long pieces what ever form they take.
This feel like being hit over the head with a strange Thesaurus,
I feel that a short preface would have made all the difference here, as each block had to be read a few times.
Then the story is lost the introduction doesn't have to give much away but I feel that it would have helped, content wise It moves around a lot and could lose a few readers, this would make a good header for a workshop to explain the mechanics and to show others how to lead into the story, hope this helps.
You are teaching all the time as each comment comes in but to me the lesson where the teacher talks all the time is a solitary thing.
Well I have told it as I see it as you ask, Yours with respect to your ability, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

then I failed. Although to be honest, this is the poetry I hear in my head. It is hard work to make sure it works. Meaning, if one tears each sentence down carefully it makes perfect sense, but if you don't happen to think in such a complicated way it can be confusing. This is the Bible of my creation and the story that follows the four parts of "The Ana" are written in a much more relaxed way as is the rest of my epic.
This though I wanted to be over the top, complex to the point of near confusion, but still logical when torn apart. You'll find if you break it down, nothing fails... I think.
Please don't hesitate to read the other three parts. Don't try to work through them, just read. By the end you should have a decent picture of my "beginning".
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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