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The Altar
The sacred hearts of old women
deserve to be worshiped on
an altar of reverence and dignity,
anointed with oils and earnest tears.
For here are stored the true memories
and secrets and dictates of life.
Old women know the power of the
universe, and the human heart.
Within those chambered nautilises
lies the answer to the humble paradoxes
of living and dying, hating and loving,
and the Sanskrit of ages passing.
Cast aside without thought or care,
they feel the tonnage of the rocks of ages.
They know the keys to the doors of existence,
and have the touch of the mystery of each.
Old women take their secrets and wrap them
in winding cloth they take to their graves.
Men shout in loud, strident voices...
women murmur the words of everlasting time.
Leave a rose at the foot of the altar where
lies the pain and suffering, of sovereign souls.
Look not for panaceas or promises, just turn
to the triumph and courage of Old Women.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Last few words:
I have written dozens of "Old Women" poems and am compiling them currently for a chapbook. I am not always this old woman - but oh, there are so many of us.
Editing stage:
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Comments
judyanne
Wed, 2012-08-08 14:20
hello sherry, and welcome to
hello sherry, and welcome to the site
I see you are not actively editing this, so really I find it pointless in even commenting
may I say though, that to my read it is a little sexist…
I understand what you are saying about old women, (lol – I am one) but I think I would lose the comment about men (just me )
that aside - nicely written
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Wed, 2012-08-08 17:50
This is a magnificent tribute to older women
who society too often ignores and underestimates, and it does what poetry should do- point at things and make arguments.
I see you chose "not currently editing" which is not what Neopoet is about. That option is there for people who have worked on their poetry here. We are not here to show off or publish our works, we are a community of poets working together to improve our craft.
A slight social blunder, no big problem, you are welcome to Neopoet and I loved this poem. Naturally I thought of my own mother, a strong, independent woman, dying of Alzheimers, which is robbing her of her dignity.
Thank you for posting this and I look forward to more of your work.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Wed, 2012-08-08 18:08
Actually I don't think it's sexist
(I have a natural tendency to argue with both Judyanne and Ephraim)
We do have loud strident voices! We could blame testosterone or culture, but we do, and maybe we should, sometimes.
I must add that this is beautifully word-crafted, you are clearly an accomplished poet. Perhaps you would allow us to see works in progress, that is what we are really here for. In fact the the only poem of mine that I will not change is my first poem, written when I was 12, but that is to remind me where I came from.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
judyanne
Fri, 2012-08-10 04:40
well, sexist maybe too strong
probably more not really needed
it felt out of place to me... the whole poem is about older women, and there's this one line referring, in a derogatory manner, and with a rather bald statement at that, regarding men (no jess, not all men have loud, strident voices ... lol - i'll go so far as to say some women have loud, strident vioces :) )
i think the write could well go without that line is all ...
but i re-iterate - i love the poem
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Wed, 2012-08-08 18:39
oink
oink
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-08-09 11:23
Hello Sherry,
I hope you remember me, I welcomed you to neopoet. Within your poem I found much wisdon, bought for a precious cost. My eyes were wet when I finished this read.
I liked these lines best:
Leave a rose at the foot of the altar where
lies the pain and suffering, of sovereign souls.
Look not for panaceas or promises, just turn
to the triumph and courage of Old Women.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Sherry
Thu, 2012-08-09 16:06
Ooops!
Dear ones,
I must have mistyped - I always welcome criticism - always. I may not heed that particular one thing, but often find others have much to learn from...shall go to my profile and fix.
Thank all of you for your lovely and entertaining comments.
WolfHeart (Sherry)
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-08-10 04:34
Sherry
Welcome to Neopoet,
Your write is to me very good and a tribute to others.
I always read the profile of new poets first before commenting on their work, it gives an insight to their ways of thinking most times.
As my present wife was abused and ill treated for many years by husbands then after 13 years of being alone, we met and married nine years ago, I don't find anything wrong with your attitude to others.
I hope that with your experiences, that your poetry may help in many ways others to cope with this world in its strange ways, Yours with careful thought, Ian.T
PS:- I also think that the bit about not actively editing is a thing that will be ignored here, as some will suggest corrections either way ...
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..