Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
“Listen”
Waiting quietly, drifting,
Stillness found;
Everything on pause,
Then spring;
Bare silhouettes,
Tangled bones drifting,
As the rolling river flows;
Tame, relaxed,
Listen!
Vicky Ann Chai-Brocato
VaV-VOOM!
”2006”
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This came to me while my husband and I were having some alone time and I had to take a break for about 15-20 mins. These words flowed out, and on to the page; then I returned to my husband. Enjoy and tell me what you think? VaV-VOOM!
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2016-02-15 10:00
I'm not even...
going to ask about what you were doing that you needed 15-20 break time! LOL
Seriously, I enjoyed this. Your language and title are good and I thought that it managed to get the feel of "break-time" although I was bit confused about the "spring" in the middle. Welcome to Neo! ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
VaVVOOM
Mon, 2016-02-15 11:51
Reply
Thank you Geezer; there just is nothing better then a good old "break-time". Glad you enjoy it, and it is great to be here. VaV-VOOM!
Vicky Ann Chai-Brocato
VaV-VOOM!
author comment