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How lovely She Awaits - 3 Haiku suite
.
'sweet dreams', she purrs
I roll over and tremble
thoughts of losing her
.
even in unveiled sadness
her beauty incites tears
I cry twice
.
bearing now this
loneliness 10,000 days
an old man in love
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Thu, 2010-12-02 12:50
I thought so...
Very good. I was just a little disappointed in the last one, because the first two lines, seemed as though they could not exist without each other. Just my opinion, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Kailashana2
Thu, 2010-12-02 14:36
Very nicely woven, isn't it
Very nicely woven, isn't it strange how a succession of work actually belongs together? I love when that happens.
~A