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A Sonnet To My Childhood Self ( October Contest)
Back and forth flash the joyful days;
delights the crazy swinging brings.
the air that plays ahead my ways,
and seesaws flying with no wings.
The hide and seek, the flipping coin.
The shadows running 'long the streams.
The birds that come with chirps to join.
The golden times with endless dreams.
You're April showers when my land's dry.
The sunshine when the days go gloom.
You're the blast when spirits might die.
My marigolds; forever bloom.
You are the blossom of my heart,
you and I won't rip-up apart.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2022-10-30 19:41
Excellent structure
I love it. Every word.
Found a couple warts…
The shadows runnig 'long the streams.
Running
And…
You're April showers when my lands dry.
land’s. A contraction of “land is”
Again, great organizational skills, excellent metaphor with the marigold. That line is the hook!
Tim
Rula
Mon, 2022-10-31 03:38
Hello Tim
Thanks for the hawk's eye and for the kind review
I think working on the cell phone isn't the best idea, ha!
Always great to see a new friend on my page.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Sun, 2022-10-30 21:42
A Sonnet To My Childhood Self
Hello, Rula,
Sweet sonnet to your childhood self. Full of joy, playfulness, and encouragement! Your sonnet form is nice and tight along with your rhyme. I see that most lines contain 8 syllables, except "You're April showers when my lands dry" seems to have 9, but I'm giving the word "showers" two syllables. Also, "You're the blast when souls might die" seems to have only 7. This is very lovely. A unique and wonderful idea to write a sonnet to yourself!
Thank you!
L
Rula
Mon, 2022-10-31 03:43
Dear lavender
I can't thank you enough for the reading and commenting.You're spot on.
Hope the amends work out better now.
Please let me know if it works well for you.
Thank you again dear. Much appreciate it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
lovedly
Tue, 2022-11-01 10:36
Ma'am Rula
It has always been a pleasure to read your comments
You have had the taste of NEO POET over 11 years plus minus ...
so your childhood must have been now more than 46 years old
I hope so ...
Sonnets I love to read
but can't compose one
to save my life
your sonnet is great
chrips..may be a typo
and you're I feel
at both places may need an edit
ask Gee please
Rula
Tue, 2022-11-01 14:27
Thank you Lovedly
for the heads up.
Much appreciate your kind comment.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
lovedly
Wed, 2022-11-02 11:17
thankx
my head always stands
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