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#haiku 3
water gently falls
down verdant lush clad mountain
forms a pure fountain
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ja Ja
Sun, 2018-01-14 13:19
haiku
A haiku by design.
With a simple rhyme.
A well writ piece of work.
Surely not a quirk.
Thank you kindly for the read
Marvel Godwyn
Sun, 2018-01-14 13:39
Thank you so much Ja Ja, I
Thank you so much Ja Ja, I really appreciate your comment.
scribbler
Sun, 2018-01-14 18:23
Hi Marvel
Haiku and Senryu are great for taking "snapshots " aren't they? And adding a rhyme which isn't required is a bonus......stan
Marvel Godwyn
Mon, 2018-01-15 08:00
Yes Scribbler I agree they
Yes Scribbler I agree they are for snapshots and I also know they don't require rhymes though mine ryhmed .I really appreciate your stopping by to read and your comment too.Thank you so much.
raj
Tue, 2018-01-16 13:53
Created the imagery for me
Created the imagery for me which you desired to bring out in this Haiku
raj (sublime_ocean)
Marvel Godwyn
Tue, 2018-01-16 15:17
Thanks raj.
Thanks so much raj,your comment is so encouraging.
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-01-18 11:26
It is challenging to be original and expressive in 17 syllables,
eh?
Great efforts so far. Read some of the famous ones, like Baisho. Those 3 short lines can be very powerful, and note the distinction Stan made between haiku and senryu.
You don't have to be pure in form but it always pays to know exactly what you are doing.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2018-01-18 12:17
I will surely do some more
I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2018-01-18 12:18
I will surely do some more
I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2018-01-18 12:18
I will surely do some more
I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.